


Strangers Don't Write (Love) Letters

by rochke11



Series: Artists and Muses [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, probably some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-21 08:20:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4821995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rochke11/pseuds/rochke11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you find the person that holds your heart forever, you can never let go.  When you find the person you’re meant to love forever, you can never really cut them off entirely.  Five years after the dissolution of their engagement, Clarke and Lexa come face-to-face again, each carrying a basket full of letters.  They made a promise to share their lives, and now, five years later they’re ready to make good on their promise.<br/>OR<br/>The sequel to Strangers on the Phone</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love From Virginia

**Author's Note:**

> And here we have the sequel to Strangers on the Phone. While I've set it up so that it's not essential to have read SotP prior to this, I definitely suggest it if you haven't read it yet!

_Letter 1_   
_September 15, 2016_   
_(one month post break-up)_

_Lexa,_

_People always say that once you’ve found your true love you should never let them go, that no obstacle is too great to overcome. Those people are either naive or they’ve never been in a long distance relationship. But maybe there is something true to what they say, because I will never let you go. I never could. Hence why I’m writing this letter._

_You fell asleep while on the phone with me for the last time ever just over an hour ago and the finality of that thought is what is keeping me awake. The finality of you asleep in our bed while I am in my childhood bed. You were right though, it’s not fair to either of us that we keep calling each other. We’re broken up and now we’re just delaying the inevitable. I guess old habits die hard._

_I’m trying not to think about the way your hair is still damp from showering, clinging to your neck. When you wake up, it will still be slightly wet. It’ll be curly and bushy and you’ll swear as you try and fix it. You’ll blame your dad for your genes, but you’ll be glad you look so much more like Robert than Kimberly._

_Eventually, you’ll get ready for the day and continue on. You’ll continue on with your life. You’ll start press soon for your movie. You’ll start recording your new album soon. Then you’ll go on tour again. You’ll be amazing. People will love you more and more each day._

_Please let them see you. Let them see past Alexandria. Let them see Lexa. Let them know that you’re not just some abstract figure. You’re a girl still learning to live her life. Still learning to trust and to love. You are more than anyone knows. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and to let others in._

_Just because we aren’t together, that doesn’t mean I will ever stop caring about you. I never had the chance to tell you this, but I believe in soulmates. I believe that people can fall in love multiple times, but there will always be that person that holds a part of your heart forever. You are that person for me. And I hope you know that. And I hope one day you will read this and that we will have found each other again. In the meantime I will wait. And I will live. And I will love from afar._

_Love From Virginia,_

_Clarke_

_PS: I know the plane tickets are a birthday present from you. Thank you._

 

* * *

 

Clarke Griffin sat on her bed in her still-unfinished apartment as she went through the contents of the bag that had stayed by her side for the four years she’d traveled around the world. It felt strange that the four years that had changed her entire view on the world could be condensed into the contents of one backpack, but really, Clarke knew that the letters were more than just tales of her adventures wine tasting in Italy and getting lost in Austria. The letters folded into individual envelopes each held the promise Clarke had made to the woman she loved.

Six years ago, Clarke Griffin had borrowed a phone from a stranger and had dialed what she’d believed was her best friend’s phone number. She’d dialed the wrong number and it had been the best mistake she’d ever made. She’d accidentally dialed the number of another girl, a girl with whom she’d spent hours on the phone with over the course of two months before she finally met her in person. A girl who turned out to be the famous singer, Alexandria Woods. Clarke and Lexa had spent the following months falling more and more in love, getting engaged just under a year after they started dating. They were engaged for four months when the stress of Lexa acting on location halfway around the world got to be too much and they’d ended their relationship. It had broken both their hearts.

The couple had made a promise though.

Clarke had promised to write letters to Lexa for as long as she still loved her and the hundreds of envelopes in her backpack were proof that her love had not died. The status of the envelopes, however, was proof that Clarke wasn’t the most organized person in the world.

For four years Clarke had traveled the globe, writing letters whenever she felt the need to tell Lexa something. She would write a letter, seal it in an envelope and date it before hiding it away in the backpack. Needless to say, the hundreds of letters were not organized in the slightest.

Sitting on her bed with the hundreds of letters surrounding her, Clarke felt slightly overwhelmed at the task at hand. She knew that she had to organize the letters chronologically. She’d gotten lucky the night before when she’d found the first letter right away and read it over the phone.

She’d read it to the woman who still had her heart. The woman who chance had forced her back into contact with. And now she had twenty-four hours to make sure they were all organized.

Not yet ready to begin the task at hand, Clarke withdrew her phone and opened to her contacts, flipping to the contact that had been updated the night before with its new number. Lexa Woods. Her contact photo had been the same for five years, a selfie Lexa had taken holding up the engagement ring Clarke had given her the week after Lexa had proposed to Clarke.

Clarke’s finger hovered over the text message button for several moments before she swiped away from Lexa’s contact and opened up another instead. She found Octavia (Blake) Forest’s phone number and dialed it. The woman picked up on the second ring.

“Look who finally feels bad about screening my calls all day yesterday,” the woman huffed. Clarke thought she could hear the sounds of a screaming child in the background.

“Is that my godson in the background?” Clarke responded. “Because it sounds like you’re ignoring the cries of a precious child just to hear potential gossip.”

“He’s fine, I just put him down for his nap and he wasn’t too happy about it. He’ll be asleep in minutes I’m telling you,” Octavia explained. “And wait, what is this about potential gossip? Are you just taunting me because my contact with anyone over the age of twenty months is limited to my husband who complains non-stop about dirty diapers?”

“He complains about them because you refuse to change them,” Clarke laughed in return. Both Lincoln and Octavia were still working, despite having an twenty-month-old and a seven-month-old, but somehow Octavia had managed to work her schedule as a personal trainer around her children’s bathroom schedules.

“It’s not my fault that the boys seem to shit around him more than me,” Octavia deadpanned in return. “But that’s beside the point, I need to know. Gossip? How is New York? How did the meeting about that mural go?”

“Funny you ask,” Clarke laughed into the receiver. “You’ll never guess who the mural is for.”

“Who? Is it someone we know? Someone famous? Was it one of the Real Housewives of New York? Tell me!”

“Costia Crewe and her wife, for their daughter,” Clarke explained.

“No. Fucking. Way.”

“Do you normally swear in front of your children?” Clarke asked, disapprovingly.

“Meh,” Octavia responded. “The little one can’t understand and the other one is used to it by now. Which you’d know, if you ever visited. But again, not the point. That’s crazy. So how’d it go?”

“It was fine actually,” Clarke admitted truthfully. “Surprisingly, it wasn’t awkward at all. Her wife also seems really sweet. But, actually, that wasn’t the weirdest thing that happened to me yesterday.”

“There’s something weirder than finding out that your new client is your ex-fiance’s ex-girlfriend?” Octavia scoffed.

“Yes,” Clarke affirmed strongly. “I uhmm…” Clarke paused, unsure of how to break the news to her best friend. “I sort of accidentally called Lexa.” There was silence on the other end of the line, causing Clarke to turn to rambling. “Before you ask how I could possibly accidentally call her, I swear there’s a reason. You see Costia switched your phone number with Lexa’s in my phone after I said I had to call you back, so then I went to call you back last night and instead I called Lexa.”

“Okay,” Octavia finally responded calmly. “What did you say when you figured out it wasn’t me?”

“Well, I didn’t actually figure it out right away, just because I went right into a rambling speech before she could even get a word in.”

“Naturally.”

“But then the conversation flowed, and oh my god, O, it was like I was twenty-four again and talking to her for the first time.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It was the best possible scenario for me calling her seemingly out of the blue. We only talked for probably two minutes before we hung up.”

“You’re right, it did get weirder,” Octavia confirmed.

“Then I called her back about five minutes after we hung up.”

“Clarke Elizabeth Griffin! What the hell?! Why did you do that? And please don’t try and pull some nonsense on me that you’re still in love with her. You literally haven’t spoken to her since the day you broke up five years ago.”

“So that’s the thing,” Clarke spoke awkwardly. “That’s not entirely true.”

“I swear, I don’t even know who you are.”

“It wasn’t for that long though,” Clarke insisted. “We just sort-of spoke almost every day for a few weeks following the break up.”

“I honestly don’t even know why I’m so surprised. You guys were always so gross.”

“I guess,” Clarke sighed. She wasn’t used to speaking about Lexa with other people. Her friends and family knew better than to bring the girl up to her.

“So you called her back and then what?” Octavia prompted.

“We talked for a while. We’d uhm…we’d sort of made promises to each other to write letters to one another and not send them for as long as we still loved each other. It turns out neither of us actually stopped writing them. So now, I’m meeting her in person for the first time in almost five years tomorrow and we’re exchanging our letters and mine are all totally unorganized and I need to organize them and I’m freaking out because I don’t know if I’m ready to see her again, but at the same time all I want to do is see her again, but I’m scared. What if this whole letter thing was a stupid idea and we’ve just been living in denial for five years?”

Octavia quickly interrupted Clarke’s rant, having heard enough. “Okay, Clarke, here’s the thing. All I heard in that is that you and Lexa wrote love letters to each other over the course of five years despite not actually talking to each other in that time. Oh! And you never told me about them.”

“Uh, yes?” Clarke questioned cautiously.

“I swear you’re not even a real person,” Octavia huffed. “Either of you. You’re just a pair of idiots who don’t know how to exist without each other, even five years later. I’m hanging up now.”

“But!”

“Goodbye, Clarke.” The phone clicked and Clarke sighed. She knew going into the conversation that Octavia most likely wasn’t going to take any shit from her.

Having successfully distracted herself from the task at hand for a few minutes, Clarke realized she couldn’t put off sorting through the letters any longer and got started.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Clarke was more nervous than she’d been in years. She was even more nervous than the time a friend she’d met on the road had convinced her it was perfectly safe to go to the site of an active volcano. It wasn’t.

She changed her outfit four times before she chided herself for being so ridiculous. She wasn’t going on a date. She was just going to meet up with her Lexa. No, that wasn’t right. Lexa, she was going to meet with Lexa. All they were doing was exchanging the letters, letting each other know what they had been doing for nearly five years. That was it.

She knew it was a ridiculous thought, but Clarke wondered if Lexa would recognize her. She knew she would, of course, but when Clarke came home after four years abroad her friends and family had all remarked on how different she looked. Of course, when she asked what about her was different, nobody had really been able to put their finger on it.

There was her hair of course. Traveling so often without knowing when she’d be able to shower next, Clarke had opted to cut her hair short. She’d channeled her inner Anne Hathaway and had a friend give her a pixie cut. It had been a little short at first, but once she’d moved back to the States it had grown in just enough that she kept getting compliments on it. She’d also finally admitted to the fact that her eyesight wasn’t the perfect 20-20 vision she’d claimed it was and had gotten glasses. Everyone had liked her glasses, but nobody had mentioned the fact that her glasses were eerily similar to Lexa’s, only dark green instead of brown.

But those were the obvious changes. Both Abby and Octavia had insisted there was something else, but neither could figure it out. Other than the tattoo that Clarke had hidden from sight, she wasn’t sure what they could have been referring to.

After finally settling on an old pair of jeans and a shirt she thought might once have belonged to a second or third cousin back in England, she grabbed the basket in which she’d organized all 656 letters in the order in which she’d written them. There were more than she’d expected. She knew there were weeks that she would write a letter every day, but there were also weeks during which she didn’t write Lexa a single letter.

Not wanting to risk the subway with her open-air basket, Clarke decided to walk to the place where she’d be meeting Lexa. It had taken them a while to decide on where would make the most sense to meet. Neither had wanted to worry about paparazzi, but the thought of returning to the apartment they had once shared was too much for Clarke.

Lexa had been the one to suggest the bookstore. She explained it was a place she’d found by accident several years previously. The store sold mostly second-hand books and other odds and ends. It was always quiet and Lexa had rarely ever seen another customer. In fact, she’d joked with the owner that she was keeping the store open herself with the amount of time she spent there. There was a small reading room in the back where they wouldn’t be disturbed.

Having finally gotten used to the layout of the city again over the past few months, it didn’t take long for Clarke to find the place. It was called Polis Books. Clarke liked the name, she wondered what its origin was.

When she pushed open the door to the small store in Soho, a bell chimed and she was greeted by an older woman with a kind smile.

“Welcome to Polis Books,” she greeted her. “I’m Vera. Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

“Thanks,” Clarke grinned. “I’m just…I’m supposed to be meeting my friend here.”

“She’s back in the reading room,” Vera gestured behind her to a door.

“Thanks,” Clarke smiled in return. She took a deep breath before walking in the direction Vera had pointed her towards.

The room was small, but cozy, decorated with comforting colors. Bookshelves lined the walls and large plush chairs cluttered the room. Caddy cornered in the far back corner were two matching green chairs. Lexa sat on one of the chairs bouncing a leg nervously. She looked up as soon as Clarke walked in.

Clarke paused and Lexa’s leg stopped moving. Her bright green eyes bore into Clarke, still as striking even behind the girl’s glasses. She wore her hair in a long French braid that wrapped around over her shoulder. Her hair was longer than it was the last time Clarke had seen her. She quickly tried to remember the last time she’d seen Lexa on a magazine. She knew it was some time recently, but her brain was short-circuiting. All she could think about was the way Lexa’s brown leather jacket hinted at the strong arms it encased, the soft smile growing on her pink lips and the crisp, identical envelopes sitting in neat piles on the table in front of her.

Clarke wasn’t sure how much time passed, but she suddenly became aware that she was still standing in the doorway. She took a step forward and took a hand out from under the basket she was holding, she gave Lexa a little wave as she said, “Hi.”

Lexa’s smile grew and she immediately stood up. Clarke picked up her pace as she crossed the room. She placed her basket down on the table, careful not to disturb the piles Lexa had placed her letters in. The two looked at each other awkwardly before Clarke opened her arms.

Tension appeared to leave Lexa’s shoulders as she wrapped her arms around Clarke in return. The blonde sighed into the hug. Their embrace lasted just a beat longer than one between friends.

“You look really good,” Lexa finally spoke and Clarke nearly died at the sound of her voice. It was just as she’d remembered it.

“So do you,” Clarke responded honestly. “You look the same.” She subconsciously reached and took the end of Lexa’s braid between her thumb and forefinger, gently caressing it. Realizing what she was doing, she pulled her hand away and looked back up at Lexa. “You look the same in a good way. I mean. I mean you don’t look thirty at all, you still look twenty-five.”

Lexa laughed and Clarke began to wonder why it was she’d let herself live so long without hearing the woman’s laugh. The brunette then took her turn to speak. “You don’t look the same,” she laughed.

“I know,” Clarke grinned in return. She gestured to her hair then glasses as she spoke, “It’s the hair and glasses. I have contacts, but I usually only wear them when I’m painting.”

“No,” Lexa shook her head. Clarke looked at her in confusion so she clarified, “I mean yes, it’s the hair and glasses, but that’s not why you look different. You hold yourself differently. You’re standing straighter. I don’t know, I’m not sure I’m even making any sense. You just…you look more confident.”

It took all of Clarke’s will to not let her jaw drop open. She had managed to convey in a few words what Abby and Octavia must have been trying to figure out for months.

Lexa offered Clarke a tentative smile than gestured for her to sit. Clarke took her seat.

“So how are we going to do this?” Lexa asked.

“Well we could just give each other the letters and read them on our own, then after we’re done we can decide if there’s…if we want to…if we want to keep talking,” Clarke attempted to articulate her thoughts.

“We read our first letters over the phone,” Lexa stated. “And I know there are a lot of them. I wrote over six hundred, but I was thinking maybe we can read them to each other.”

Clarke looked into the girl’s green eyes, noticing how open they were, how there didn’t seem to be any walls up. The sight shocked her slightly.

“Okay,” she nodded. “So, our second letters then. Do you want to start?”

“Sure,” Lexa nodded. She reached toward the pile of envelopes closest to her and picked the one off the top. She carefully unsealed the envelope and unfolded the note from within. The brunette cleared her throat and a blush slowly crept up her neck as she began to speak, “Clarke. If you took the plane tickets I sent you, then you’re thousands of feet in the air, halfway across the Atlantic Ocean right now…”


	2. Masquerade

_Letter 10_   
_October 10, 2016_

_Clarke,_

_You seem to be enjoying yourself in Italy. I’ll admit that I’ve gone to view your Instagram a handful of times. I’ve never explored the country like you are. I hope it is everything you ever wanted it to be and more. When I had pizza last night for dinner, I wondered if you would think of New York pizza when you had Italian pizza. But then I realized that I was moping again and tried not to think of you._

_That obviously didn’t last very long, because here I am, less than 24 hours later, writing you a letter. Costia and I are waiting to be interviewed by some YouTube person. I don’t remember her name. You probably would though, you love YouTubers. The press for the movie is just starting to pick up. Luckily, most of it is in New York though, but some is in LA. I wonder what that would have meant for us if we were still together._

_Cos just asked me if it’s lyrics I’m writing. I start recording my new album in a few months, but I still only have half my songs written. I haven’t written anything since being with you. The label is getting nervous, but I’ve promised them a minimum six new songs before we start recording. That should be interesting. I guess I should start focusing on that._

_Forever Yours,_

_Lexa_

 

* * *

 

When Lexa finished reading her letter, she folded it back up and returned it to its envelope. She and Clarke had been alternating back and forth reading their letters aloud in chronological order.

“Well we know that you did end up writing those songs,” Clarke teased with a laugh. Lexa looked up at the blonde inquisitively. “Because _Strangers_ was released on time. Or at least I assume it was. Wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded in confirmation. _Strangers_ wasn’t an album Lexa had been terribly fond of. She’d written half the songs when she and Clarke were together and happy and the other half after they’d broken up. The critics had called her album disjointed and they’d been right. Somehow though, people had loved the mix of emotions they’d found on the album. Several critics had lauded the album for its ability to portray a variety of emotions. Lexa just thought of it as the physical reminder of the woman she’d loved then lost. “Did you listen to it?” she asked. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear Clarke’s answer.

“I bought it the day it came out,” Clarke confirmed. “Same with the one that came out last year, _Hidden Majesty_. I loved them both.”

Lexa blushed at Clarke’s statement, knowing how obvious it must have been for Clarke to see herself in the lyrics if everyone else had. It was more than that though. Sure, there were songs that all her fans knew were about Clarke, but there were those that nobody had guessed about. There was one song, Strangers that Lexa had written after she’d seen an Instagram Clarke had posted of herself in Venice wearing an ornate mask. It wasn’t one of the songs from the album that had especially popular, but it had been one of Lexa’s favorites.

“My favorite off _Strangers_ is ‘Masquerade’.” The blonde shared a conspiratorial smile with the brunette.

Lexa blushed, but her own embarrassment was cut off by the sound of Clarke’s stomach grumbling. Lexa laughed out loud at the sound. “Hungry?” she asked.

Clarke nodded and crossed her arms across her stomach. “Well we’ve been here nearly two hours already and it’s totally lunch time.”

“You’re right,” Lexa agreed. “Wait here, there’s a really good sandwich place next door. I’ll go grab us food and bring it back here.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Clarke shook her head. “I can go. Or at the very least go with you.” Lexa paused, realizing that Clarke must have forgotten the implications of them going out in public together. Realization quickly dawned on the girl’s face though as she retracted her offer. “Oh right,” she paused awkwardly. “I’ll wait here.”

Lexa nodded and grabbed her purse, quickly scurrying out of the room. Vera seemed to be busy reorganizing books so Lexa didn’t bother her as she left the store and walked next door to the deli. The Italian family who owned the deli knew Lexa well, but they never made it awkward. In fact, they liked to tease her and made her feel like a family customer.

“So what’ll it be today Miss Lexa?” the owner, Antonio, asked. “Your usual? Or maybe something a little fancier? Though we’re still out of caviar.”

“Just the usual,” Lexa laughed. “Two of them today.”

“Two?” Antonio arched a bushy, Italian eyebrow. “Either you’re putting on some weight to play me in a new movie, or you’ve got yourself a date.”

Lexa found herself blushing at the man’s statement. “Just getting lunch with a friend. I told her about this place that had the best sandwiches on the island and she just had to try for herself.”

"Just the island?” Antonio feigned hurt.

“The entire state of New York,” Lexa laughed back.

“Okay, I can deal with that,” he nodded.

As Lexa waited for her sandwiches, she took out her phone to check her messages, having ignored it the entire morning she’d been with Clarke. She had a few messages from Anya reminder her about upcoming engagements and one from Gustus asking when he should pick her up from the bookstore. The group message called “Woods Kids” had more than forty new messages, but Lexa didn’t even bother to open it. With seven of them in the group message now that Carson had a phone, the messages quickly racked up. The only other missed texts she had were from Raven. Lexa opened the message chain, thinking Raven had just been bored at work and that’s why she had texted her. She was wrong.

> **Raven** : WHAT THE FUCK?!  
>  **Raven** : I thought I was supposed to be your best friend!

Lexa had a pretty good feeling she knew exactly what Raven seemed to be upset with her, but she decided to play dumb nevertheless, just in case.

> **Lexa** : ????

She didn’t have to worry about waiting for a response, because Raven came back with one almost immediately. She knew that her friend had likely been staring at her phone, waiting for Lexa’s response. If she hadn’t been at work, she probably would have called Lexa and left her a dozen voicemails.

> **Raven** : I woke to messages from Octavia this morning telling me that CLARKE CALLED YOU  
>  **Raven** : WHAT THE FUCK!? THIS IS THE KIND OF THING YOU TELL YOUR BEST FRIEND!

Lexa had been planning on telling Raven about her interaction with Clarke, but she’d wanted to wait until after they exchanged the letters. She didn’t want to bring the blonde up to her engineer until she had a better handle on the situation herself. She hadn’t anticipated Raven finding out in any other way.

> **Lexa** : I was planning on calling you tonight to talk about it.  
>  **Lexa** : Because I’ve sort of been spending the day with Clarke.

Antonio rang the bell to signal that her order was ready. Lexa thanked him and headed out the door. She checked her phone the entire short walk back to the bookstore, but Raven still hadn’t responded. She knew that Clarke was sometimes a sensitive topic to Raven and she hoped that Raven would react well. Lexa had just opened the door to the store when Raven finally responded.

> **Raven** : Oh.  
>  **Raven** : I guess I’m just not really sure what to make of this. And I’m sure you’re equally conflicted. Call me tonight so we can talk about it.

Lexa shot off a quick response before putting away her phone and walking back into the reading room.

> **Lexa** : I promise I’ll call you tonight and tell you everything.

Clarke’s face lit up as Lexa entered the room bearing their lunches.

“Oh my god, I can smell it from all the way across the room,” Clarke moaned. “What in heaven’s name is it that smells so good?”

“It must just be my natural odor,” Lexa teased easily in response, finding it easy to tease the other girl. Reading their most inner thoughts to each other was already breaking down walls, forcing them out of any awkwardness that would have otherwise come from two exes spending time together.

Clarke sniffed at the air before she responded, “I didn’t know that you were part tomato, because I’m ninety percent positive that I’m smelling some kind of tomato sauce.”

“Only the best tomato sauce,” Lexa insisted as she sat back down in her seat and withdrew the two aluminum foil sandwiches from their bag. “Antonio’s wife makes the sauce from scratch every day.”

Clarke quickly unwrapped her sandwich and grinned at the sight of it. “Chicken parm sandwich? Ugh you know me so well.” Lexa avoided Clarke’s gaze, opting to focus on her own sandwich instead, unwrapping it to reveal the same meal. If she was being honest, she’d forgotten that chicken parmesan was a favorite of Clarke’s, but after Clarke mentioned it, it had made sense. Lexa had only started eating it regularly after the break-up.

Lexa watched as Clarke took a bite of the sandwich and moaned loudly. The sound brought back some no-so-unpleasant memories to Lexa, causing her to quickly look away in hopes of hiding her blush. The next words out of Clarke’s mouth didn’t help much either, “I swear I just had an orgasm in my mouth.”

Lexa’s glanced back up at Clarke and caught her blue eyes. Both girls immediately broke out in laughter, realizing the ridiculousness of the situation they’d positioned themselves in.

As they ate, Lexa told Clarke all about Antonio and his family, including the time he had tried to set her up with his nephew, not realizing the boy had the wrong parts. Once they finished and they made sure that their hands were perfectly clean, free of sauce and grease, they set about returning to their task of reading the letters.

They read for several more hours, never feeling the need to stop. Lexa recanted stories of her publicity tour and her struggles to write songs. Clarke told tales of traveling through Italy and of deciding to continue traveling across the world.

Neither woman had noticed that the light streaming through the high windows had faded and that night was beginning to fall until Vera popped her head into the reading room.

“I hate to interrupt you girls, but I’m going to have to close up in about twenty minutes,” she explained.

“No worries, Vera,” Lexa reassured the woman. “We’ll be out of here by then.” Vera nodded and left them alone. “We probably have time for one more letter,” she spoke to Clarke.

“Okay,” Clarke nodded as she reached for the next envelope.

Lexa was surprised by how quickly they were getting through the letters. They were still alternating back and forth, but their letters were at different points. Clarke was already at the end of December with hers, whereas Lexa was still in November of that first year.

“Oh,” Clarke paused as she opened the letter and started to read it silently.

“What is it?” Lexa asked.

“I’m not sure this is the best letter to end on,” Clarke admitted.

“Why not?”

“It’s, umm,” Clarke took a deep breath before continuing. “I wrote it on Christmas.”

“Oh,” Lexa responded, understanding Clarke’s apprehension. “I mean, we knew going into this that there were going to be some tough ones. Let’s hear it.”

“Okay,” Clarke cleared her throat and began to speak. “Lexa. It’s Christmas and all I can think about is you. And I’ve been good, I really have. Today is just harder a harder day than most. I think about drinking eggnog with you last year and painting the galaxy on your back. I think about the promise we made to spend our Christmases together, staying up until the sun rises the next day. I think about how you never had a good Christmas until last year. And even then, I tainted it. But really the thing that’s stuck with me most today has been the ornament. The ornament you got for us that says ‘Our First Christmas’. I wonder if you’ll even unpack it when you decorate your tree. I hope you do. But I also hope you don’t. Because I don’t want you to have to think of me today. I want you to be happy.”

“I was,” Lexa interrupted. The entire time they’d been reading letters, they had waited until the letter was done being read before commenting, but Clarke was obviously concerned about the contents of this particular letter and Lexa needed to reassure her.

“What?” Clarke asked, thrown off by Lexa’s statement.

“I was happy that Christmas,” Lexa explained. “I didn’t decorate that year, so the ornament remained in storage. And yes, it was a hard Christmas without you, but it was also happy. I spent Christmas with my dad and that whole part of my family for the first time ever. I had a family Christmas and I was happy. I was happy Clarke.”

Lexa watched as tension fell from Clarke’s shoulders, as if she was finally shedding a piece of hurt she’d been carrying around for years. Clarke offered Lexa a soft smile that the brunette returned in kind.

Clarke turned back to the page she was holding and continued reading. “One of the friends I’ve made here in Italy seems to think that I’m acting too somber for a holiday, so she’s taking me out to a party that a cousin of hers is hosting. She says that almost all her relatives are going to be there as well as nearly half of Venice. It’s a masquerade party so I bought a beautiful green, lace decorated mask and the woman who owns the hostel I’m staying at is lending me a matching dress. It’s all very old-fashioned and I love it. I’m hoping it goes well. Love from Venice, Clarke.”

“That was the day of the masquerade,” Lexa sighed, putting two and two together.

“The same one you wrote the song about,” Clarke suggested.

“You knew?”

“I’ve always known,” Clarke grinned at the brunette. Lexa held Clarke’s gaze for several long moments in silence. It was a comfortable silence though. Lexa tried to pretend that she didn’t feel an electric pull between herself and the blonde, but she knew it was there. Neither of them felt the need to say anything until the sound of Vera dropping a book outside the room startled them.

“We should probably get going,” Lexa finally spoke.

“We should,” Clarke agreed. They both stood up at the same time and started to organize their respective letters. “I start working on the mural at Costia’s tomorrow,” Clarke explained after they’d both gathered up their belongings. “She and Bree won’t be there, they’re both pretty busy. Maybe you’d want to come over at some point?” She asked her question and Lexa heard the hesitation in it. “It might be hard for me to read while I’m painting, but you could read yours to me? I’m ahead chronologically in mine anyway.”

“I’d like that,” Lexa nodded.

“Okay,” Clarke grinned in response. “I’ll text you the info then.”

“That sounds great.”

The two approached the door to the bookstore. Both women had their hands full and when Clarke struggled to hold her basket with only one hand, she nearly dropped the entire thing. Lexa realized immediately that Clarke had been preparing to hug her goodbye, but neither of them had the hands to do so.

“I’ll see you soon then,” Lexa spoke.

“I’ll see you soon.”

 

* * *

 

 

After Gustus had taken Lexa home, she’d made herself some leftovers before plopping herself down on her writing couch. She watched a little TV as she ate before she finally called Raven. Raven picked up almost immediately.

“Hey,” Raven answered. “Nice of you to finally call me.”

“Sorry,” Lexa apologized, feeling bad. It was bad enough that Raven hadn’t heard about her interaction with Lexa from the source, and now she’d made the girl wait around all day for more information. “I was actually with Clarke until only about an hour ago.”

“You were with her the entire day?” Raven asked, shock evident in her voice.

“We’re just…” Lexa paused, not even entirely sure herself what she and Clarke were doing. “It’s just something we need to do. We’ve been catching up.”

“On every single thing that happened in the past five years?” Raven scoffed.

“Sort of,” Lexa relented. “Did Octavia tell you why Clarke and I decided to meet up again?”

“No,” Raven answered. “All she told me is that Clarke called you by accident, and that it probably wasn’t entirely by accident and that Costia was behind it, then she called you a second time and that you two were seeing each other today. Am I missing something?”

“Sort of,” Lexa admitted. “We’ve both been writing letters to each other for the past five years,” she explained. “We didn’t send them though, so now we’re reading them to each other.”

Lexa expected a response of shock to come from her friend, but instead she got the opposite. “I know.”

“What?”

“I mean, I know about the letters,” the woman on the other end of the line clarified.

Lexa took the TV clicker in her hand and turned off the television, wondering if it was interfering with what she was hearing. Because surely Raven couldn’t have said she knew about the letters. Right? “What?” Lexa asked.

“I know about the letters,” Raven repeated. “I wasn’t aware that Clarke was writing them as well, but I knew you were.”

“How?”

“I saw you writing a few of them,” she explained. “I didn't realize what you were doing originally, I just assumed you were writing lyrics or something. I saw the one you wrote the day of my wedding though. It was in your purse.”

Lexa took a moment to remember the event from three years earlier. She remembered writing a letter to Clarke the morning of the wedding and putting it in her purse, having forgotten to bring an envelope. She’d also been in charge of holding several items belonging to Echo and Raven, as her purse was the largest.

“I thought they were just lyrics at first,” Raven continued. “But when I started to read it, I realized what it was. I was so mad at you at first. I thought you’d been staying in contact with Clarke while she’d just cut me off entirely.”

“Oh my god,” Lexa sighed as she remembered Raven giving her the cold shoulder for the second half of the wedding reception and being cold to her for the weeks following the wedding. Before Lexa had been able to ask Raven about it, however, the woman had suddenly changed her tune and was overly eager to spend time with Lexa and talk to her.

“When Echo and I stayed at your apartment that weekend the month after our wedding, I accidentally stumbled upon the other letters. I didn’t read them or anything, but I saw that they were all to Clarke, but none were addressed. They just had dates on them. That’s when I realized that I’d been a total ass to you and assumed the worst. I never told you I knew though, just because it seemed like it was such a personal thing to you.”

“It was,” Lexa agreed. “You see, we agreed to keep writing letters for as long as we felt love for each other, but after a while it sort of just became something that was part of my everyday life. It was like I had someone to talk to, someone I could tell anything to and not have to worry about their reaction. I never expected anyone to read them.”

“Not even Clarke?”

Lexa paused as she came to face the realization that no, she hadn’t expected Clarke to ever read them. For a while she’d hoped that she would, but as more time passed, the letters just became an outlet. A way to get out how she was feeling without hurting anybody.

Lexa loved Raven. Raven was one of her best friends, but there was only so much Lexa was willing to admit to her. That was why she’d turned to the letters to let everything out.

Lexa wasn’t ready to admit to Raven that she’d been afraid to think about Clarke reading the letters, at the time, because that would mean that Clarke had continued to love her, as well. And that prospect scared her because it meant that they may not have needed to break up in the first place. Or it meant that there was such a thing as a soulmate. Lexa wasn’t sure which scared her more.

Obviously sensing that Lexa wasn’t going to answer her question, Raven diverted the conversation to a new topic. “Did Clarke mention me at all?” she asked.

“No,” Lexa admitted. She felt bad about it, but she knew that Raven wanted the truth from her. “I’m meeting up with her again though. She’ll probably ask about you. I’m sure she knows that we’re still friends.”

“It’s fine,” Raven responded, but Lexa knew it wasn’t fine. “If she does ask about me, just let me know, okay?”

“Of course,” Lexa responded.

“Anyway I should go, Echo is whispering in my ear and it’s getting very distracting. And she’s being a HORNY LITTLE SHIT. YES, YOU.”

Lexa laughed at the interaction Raven was clearly having with her wife. She could picture them sitting together in their home, and Lexa’s heart warmed at the thought. The two of them argued a lot, but they were a happy couple. They’d managed to get over every speed bump they’d come across. For a while Lexa had thought they wouldn’t make it when the year before Echo and Raven had fought over having children and Raven had come up to New York to stay with Lexa for a week. They made it though. They’d finally come to the decision together to adopt a dog, then revisit the idea of children in another three years.

“Sorry Lex, my stupid wife is now stripping and well, when that happens I can’t be trusted with what comes out of my mouth,” Raven spoke. “So I’m going to have to go and tie this woman to our bed and show her who’s really in control.”

“Okay, too much information, Raven!” Lexa yelled into the receiver. She heard both Echo and Raven’s laughs on the other end of the line and she hung up on them.

After ending the call, Lexa looked down at her phone and saw that she had a few messages from Clarke.

> **Clarke** : Do you need Costia’s address or do you know it?  
>  **Clarke** : Because I’m too lazy to look through all the emails from Bree to find it.

Lexa laughed out loud at the text, realizing that Clarke really hadn’t changed much at all. She was still the same person Lexa had fallen in love with. Lexa just hoped she’d have the chance to become a part of the woman’s life again. Even if it was just as her friend.

> **Lexa** : No need to strain yourself, I know where she lives.  
>  **Clarke** : Good :)  
>  **Clarke** : I’m getting there at 8am to start priming the walls (thank god for starbucks) but you can come whenever  
>  **Lexa** : I have a meeting in the morning, why don’t I come around 12? I’ll bring lunch.  
>  **Clarke** : It’s a date.  
>  **Clarke** : shit.  
>  **Clarke** : forget I said that.

Lexa found herself unable to wipe the smile off her face as she read Clarke’s texts.

> **Lexa** : Don’t worry Clarke haha  
>  **Clarke** : Let’s just pretend I never said anything  
>  **Lexa** : I’ll be there at 12.  
>  **Lexa** : We can call it a friend date  
>  **Clarke** : Psh, that’s totally what I meant when I said that  
>  **Lexa** : Sure…

Lexa wasn’t expecting Clarke to respond to her after the last message and was surprised when an hour later her phone vibrated with a new message.

> **Clarke** : I found something I think you might like.  
>  **Lexa** : What is it?

Clarke’s next message was a picture message. It was a selfie of Clarke holding up a green mask. The same one that had inspired Alexandria’s song Masquerade.

 

_“And you danced in a storm wearing green_   
_You wore green_   
_And hid behind a facade_   
_Your smile lit up the room_   
_A Venetian princess_   
_Mercutio save me from this_   
_Masquerade”_

_\- Masquerade (2017)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! things should be picking up in speed from here (if you know what I mean)  
> ;)
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	3. Love From a Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa talks about Raven. Lexa is a Jurassic Park nerd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one! I won't be around to post another chapter until sunday or monday as I'm flying across the country to spend the weekend at my alma mater for homecoming  
> Hence the reason I made this so long, to tide you over (and because clexa demanded it)

_January 3rd, 2017_

_Lexa,_

_Happy New Year! I’m a day late with saying that, but this is my first letter in the New Year, so I think it’s valid. Also, I swear I have a good reason why I haven’t written in a few days. Not that you really know that I haven’t written, but that’s besides the point. So what is my reason, you ask? Well, I almost drowned in lava._

_Okay, that sounds a bit more dramatic than it was, but it’s also true. You see, after Christmas, I decided to follow a friend’s family to Sicily to go skiing. Anyway, the big mountain there is actually an active volcano that hasn’t erupted in a year and a half. Actually, now that I think about it, I think it last erupted the same week I first called you by accident. That’s weird._

_Anyway, we were skiing and all of a sudden there was a shake in the ground and lava started bubbling out of a slit in the ground just above us. To be fair, it wasn’t that much and according to the people there it wasn’t a full eruption. Sometimes it cracks on the sides when it gets cold. Everyone started speeding down the trail, but I’m not the best skier in the world and to be honest, I stayed a little too long watching the lava. It was this bright orange color that slowly trickled through the white snow, darkening slightly as it hit the cold. It was beautiful._

_Of course, I then had to hurry down myself, but I’m not the most graceful person in the world. It’d nearly reached the end of the trail when…let’s be honest here…I totally just tripped over my own skis. Anyway, I dislocated my left shoulder and sprained my right wrist. Writing this with a brace is definitely a bitch, but I’m bored on the train to Croatia. I met an old man while waiting for the train and he wrote me a list of Croatian words I should know, so I should probably start learning them. Sretan put! (not sure what that means, but it’s at the top of the paper)._

_Love From a Train,_

_Clarke_

 

* * *

 

When Clarke arrived at Costia and Bree’s home she found the spare key they had left for her hidden in a fake rock and let herself into the brownstone with her large bag full of supplies and a handful of letters. She slipped out of her converse and walked up the stairs to the nursery where she found a note waiting for her in the otherwise empty room.

> _Clarke,_
> 
> _Costia insisted on putting on the primer that you asked us to get; she thought it was silly for you to have to put it on and wait for it to dry when it was such an easy job. I told her that she was being overbearing, but she did it anyway. Hope you don’t mind!_
> 
> _Bree_

Clarke laughed out loud as she read the letter. She knew artists that would have gotten upset about a client overstepping into their realm of expertise, but Clarke didn’t mind. In fact, it was actually convenient that Costia had already primed for her. It meant that if the walls were dry, she could get started on outlining the details to the mural. With less than two weeks to get it done, the more help she could get, the better. She was really hoping it would be totally dry before the couple came home with their baby. She didn’t want the baby to be in the room when it still smelled of paint.

With hands that had weathered years of paint being scrubbed from them, Clarke brushed her fingers along the clean white walls, pulling them away to see if anything had rubbed off on them. Nothing had, and the walls were perfectly dry.

Clarke returned to the hallway where she dropped her bag and withdrew from it a large, heavy tarp. She struggled slightly to lift it all the way out and drag it into the bare room. It wasn’t until after the tarp was perfectly laid out, stretching from wall to wall that she brought her bag back into the room and scrounged around in it for her supplies.

After setting up her speakers on the window ledge and queuing up her drawing playlist, Clarke set to work. She started with the wall with the windows and pressed her pencil to the white surface, starting to outline designs that would watch a child grow for years to come.

Clarke lost track of time as she drew, singing along to the playlist that contained a wide variety of music. It had everyone on it, from country songs to old Taylor Swift songs. There were even some Spice Girls songs thrown in there.

Clarke was in the middle of working on her outline of an elephant, singing along to Fox’s new song when she heard the sound of someone chuckling behind her. Startled, she dropped her pencil and quickly turned around. Standing with her back against the door jamb was Lexa. She had a pizza box in one hand, her purse in the other and a smirk on her face.

“How long have you been standing there?” Clarke asked.

“Long enough to remember why you’re not the one who sings for their career,” Lexa teased in return.

Clarke stuck her tongue out at her ex-fiance and crossed the room, taking the box of pizza out of the woman’s hand. The smell was intoxicating and it made her stomach realize how much it craved food. The only time Clarke ever forgot to eat a meal was when she was working on her art. She often would find herself drawing and painting through meals, too engrossed in her art to pay attention to anything else.

“Well, it’s clear who you’re more excited to see,” Lexa continued with her teasing as Clarke sat down in the middle of the empty room and opened up the box.

Clarke pulled out herself a slice of pizza and sighed as she bit into it. “I literally saw you less than twenty-four hours ago. Pizza, however, it’s been a few days. And New York pizza will always be my favorite.”

“Even better than Italian pizza?” Lexa asked as she took a seat beside the blonde. Clarke looked at her over the cheesy goodness, taking in the flannel and jean shorts the other woman was wearing, and nodded.

“Italian pizza is good. Fantastic really,” Clarke explained, “But there’s something about New York pizza that just tastes like home.” Even if she had only lived in New York for nine months, Clarke had found herself craving the city’s most famous cuisine during her travels abroad.

"Good to know,” Lexa nodded. The brunette grabbed herself a slice of the pie, and after patting the grease off with a napkin, she folded the slice in half and bit it. “Have you already primed the whole thing?” she asked after she finished chewing.

Clarke shook her head and after swallowing the bite she still had in her mouth, she explained, “Cos already did. I don’t really have all the time in the world to get this done and it sped things up. I’m already about halfway done outlining though.” She then gestured to the two completely outlined walls and the nearly completed third. Her pencil marks on the wall were light and the designs were hard to make out from far away, but it was clear that they were there.

“It looks good.”

“How can you even tell?” Clarke asked with a laugh. “You can barely see anything yet.”

Clarke watched as Lexa blushed and responded, “I mean…from what I can see anyway. It looks like it’s going to be good.”

“Okay,” Clarke shrugged. She then leaned over to her bag and pulled out an envelope. “So I was thinking, while we’re just sitting here eating, why don’t I read a few of my letters to you, since I won’t be able to once I get back to working and you’re going to be the one doing all the talking.”

“That works for me.”

Clarke opened up the letter and smiled when she saw the date on the top. She remembered the letter well. She remembered sitting on the train to Croatia, watching scenery pass by her and struggling to figure out how to hold a pen wearing a sling on one arm and a brace on her other wrist. So she began to read out loud.

After they finished eating, Clarke having read to Lexa four letters, they gathered up all their garbage and Clarke returned to the wall, first making sure her hands were grease-free. She turned down the volume on the speakers that were blasting music and turned over her shoulder to Lexa.

“Alright, have at it,” she smiled before turning back to the work before her.

Lexa chuckled and Clarke could hear the sound of her opening up an envelope. Her voice was soothing as she spoke about Thanksgiving with Anya, followed by the month of December. Clarke found it just as easy to work to the sound of the other woman’s voice as it was to music. When she reached Christmastime, Lexa spoke about how she wasn’t able to decorate, that she didn’t feel festive enough for it, but that Christmas itself was the happiest she had been in a long time.

Clarke was confused as to why Lexa had written in total almost the same amount of letters that she had, and yet they were not aligned chronologically with hers. She couldn’t think of an explanation and decided to brush off the matter when Lexa began to read yet another letter. The sun was starting to fade and Clarke had been forced to turn on the overhead lights to better see the wall.

Clarke was just beginning to think that it was nearly time to call it a day when Lexa disrupted their pattern of reading through the letters and only speaking about them afterwards.

“So there are some things I mention in this letter that I want to talk to you about after I read it to you,” Lexa explained.

“Okay,” Clarke responded, the wheels beginning to turn in her head. She wondered what Lexa could possibly have written about that she wanted to preface it the way she did.

“March first, twenty-seventeen,” Lexa began with the date of the letter. Clarke tried to figure out what could possibly have been going on that day to prompt Lexa’s questions. The next sentence Lexa uttered, however, reached into Clarke’s stomach and grasped it tightly, causing her to become unsteady on her feet. “Raven and Echo got engaged this morning. Echo’s sisters threw them a surprise engagement party in D.C. Everyone was there except you. Even Finn was there. He apologized to me. Everyone was there. Except you. Only, you were there. Your absence was palpable - I know I wasn’t the only one that felt it. I saw it on Raven’s face as she looked around at all her friends after we yelled surprise. I saw the moment she registered that you weren’t there. It makes sense to me that you weren’t there, after all you’re halfway around the world right now, but I can’t help but think that this is only the start. At Octavia’s wedding Raven joked that she’d choose me if you and I ever broke up. And when we did, she told me she’d never pick a side. I just hope you didn’t pick for her. Please Clarke, don’t let go of her. I know you don’t talk to her as often as you do Bellamy and Octavia. I can’t bear to be the reason you lose a friend. I know it will be hard, but I really hope you’ll be at their wedding. Yours forever, Lexa.”

As Lexa read out loud, Clarke turned around and slumped back against the wall so that she was facing the woman. She watched as the other woman’s fingers, calloused from years of strumming guitar strings, shook slightly as they clutched the page tightly. She then hesitantly looked up at Clarke, her gaze registering the fact that the blonde had turned to face her as she read. Clarke knew that Lexa wanted to ask her questions, so she waited for her to address them before speaking herself.

“You didn’t come to the wedding,” Lexa stated. It was a matter of fact, so Clarke did not respond. “She was your best friend, Clarke.”

Clarke focused on the way Lexa spoke her name. She spoke it in a way no one else ever did. It always sounded like a prayer coming from the singer’s mouth. Like a song to the heavens. Only this time she spoke it, there was something missing. It was almost as if Lexa didn’t see Clarke’s name as being worthy of the angels anymore.

“I know we haven’t gotten to the point in our letters of their wedding, and maybe you’ll explain why it is that you cut Raven off entirely, but I want to talk about it now. I’m asking you to tell me why. Not just because I know that it’s because of me, but because I know that it must have hurt you as well. I was there for Raven when she erroneously blamed herself. I was there when she asked Octavia to be her Maid of Honor, because she couldn’t have you. I was there and I know how much losing you hurt her. So I guess what I’m asking is why? Why did you break her heart, because I know it broke yours just as much.”

With each statement Lexa spoke, Clarke felt her heart breaking even more. She’d guarded her heart against the pain of loss, forming only surface-level friendships with those she’d met on her travels. Because losing a best friend is a lot like losing a piece of yourself. Your friends help make you who you are, and Raven was no exception.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked tentatively after Clarke had remained silent, staring straight ahead. Clarke hadn’t even registered the fact that Lexa had shuffled towards her and was sitting next to her. The brunette cautiously took Clarke’s hand in hers. “I’m sorry,” her voice make softer, less accusatory, “I probably should have thought of a better way to ask you about it and not assaulted you with questions.”

Clarke shook her head, but allowed Lexa to continue to hold her hand. “I guess, at first, it was about us. I knew you and Raven were still friends, or at least I assumed it. And then when I heard they were engaged, it was like a slap in the face. Echo and Raven were doing exactly what we were supposed to do, and they were succeeding. The wedding itself was the icing on the cake, because they’d actually made it and we hadn’t. It was wrong and selfish, but it wasn’t just because of her and Echo. When I was gone, I wanted to focus on me and the future. I didn’t want to dwell on the past. And staying friends with Raven hurt in so many ways, and I couldn’t move forward and still be friends with her. It sounds dumb now, but that’s how I felt.”

“It doesn’t sound dumb,” Lexa sighed. “I still don’t agree with it, but I understand that you had your reasons.”

“The only reason I didn’t leave Bell and O behind, as well, was because they didn’t make me think of you. And because they knew me in high school. Even if we weren’t friends at the time, both of them had known me before my Dad died. They knew who I was before I’d become someone who was defined by their losses.”

“You’re more than who you’ve lost, Clarke,” Lexa reassured her. And this time when she spoke her name, Clarke could almost hear the wings of angels fluttering as they received her prayer.

“I know that now,” Clarke admitted. “It took a while, but I get that now.”

“You should reach out to her; I know she’d appreciate it. Even now.”

In that moment, Clarke was immensely grateful that Lexa was still talking to Raven. She wasn’t sure how often they spoke, or if they even had a close relationship, but she was grateful, nevertheless.

 

* * *

 

Over the following few days, Clarke continued to work on the mural at Costia and Bree’s. She finished the outlining the first day and began picking out colors and painting as the week flew by. Lexa popped in and out of the home, having still to attend meetings nearly every day and make media appearances. Clarke didn’t ask what they were for and Lexa never provided anything more than “a meeting with my label” or “meeting with a producer for a potential new movie”.

It was only when Clarke realized that it had been over two years since the release of Hidden Majesty, Alexandria’s latest album. While she had released a single about two months earlier, Clarke knew that Alexandria had never gone more than two years without releasing an album. She’d always kept to the two-year release schedule. She wondered if there was a reason one hadn’t been released that spring.

She asked her puppies what they thought about the situation, but they didn’t respond. And after spending a few hours with Lexa reading letters and asking for her opinion on the colors of the mural so far, Clarke was exhausted. Each night she’d come home tired, and that was her excuse for not reaching out to Raven. Even though it was something she thought about each night before going to bed.

Sitting in bed, Clarke had her phone in her hand, writing and rewriting a text to send to Raven. She didn’t want to assault her with a phone call out of nowhere. She was about to give up when she received several text messages in a row from Lexa.

> **Lexa** : I realized something this afternoon, when we were talking about colors for the baby’s room.  
>  **Lexa** : I realized that we never really got to be friends.  
>  **Lexa** : Before.

Clarke opened the messages from Lexa and furrowed her brow in confusion as she read them. She thought they’d been friends and was confused by what Lexa meant by her texts.

> **Clarke** : What do you mean?

It took only seconds for Lexa to respond. Clarke wondered if she’d been staring at her screen, waiting for Clarke’s response.

> **Lexa** : well at first we were strangers. just talking on the phone.  
>  **Lexa** : Even if we knew there was the potential for more.  
>  **Lexa** : Then we met in person and we were girlfriends  
>  **Clarke** : And we never really got to be friends. Not really anyway.  
>  **Clarke** : Is that what you mean?

Clarke waited several minutes for Lexa to respond and wondered what had prompted Lexa to bring the matter up in the first place. As the minutes passed, she wondered if Lexa was fretting over her next text, writing and rewriting it as Clarke had been doing for Raven’s, or if she was simply distracted.

> **Lexa** : We’re friends now. Right?

Clarke grinned to herself at the innocent question. She thought about the past week. They’d spent nearly every day together to some extent. Sure, they’d been sharing letters detailing their lives, letters that were written from a place of love, but it hadn’t just been about the letters. She remembered the way Lexa teased her about singing along to music the first day at Costia’s, and the way she held her hand as she spoke about losing Raven.

Clarke didn’t know what would happen between them when they finished reading the letters, but she knew that Lexa was now back in her life for good. She didn’t know in what capacity Lexa would be in her life, but Clarke knew one thing for sure. She knew that Lexa was her friend now. And she was hers.

> **Clarke** : Yes Lex, we’re most definitely friends.  
>  **Lexa** : Good :)

Clarke took a look at the date on her phone and smiled to herself. She had nearly forgotten the day, having lost track of them in the past week, but was glad she had checked.

> **Clarke** : Change of plans, I need to let the room dry a bit before I start adding in more of the details, so we’re not meeting at Costia’s tomorrow.  
>  **Lexa** : Meet at Polis then?  
>  **Clarke** : Nope. Meet me at the corner of Central Park West and 79th at 10am  
>  **Lexa** : ?  
>  **Lexa** : Why there?  
>  **Clarke** : Just you wait and see my friend ;)

Clarke was growing giddy with excitement, ready for the next day to arrive so she could enact her plan and spend the day with her friend. She looked back at the draft of the message she was to send to Raven. She deleted it and went to bed.

 

* * *

 

Clarke woke to the sound of her alarm. She groggily turned it off and contemplated going back to bed, until she remembered what day it was. She’d specifically set her alarm so that she would have enough time to get ready and run to the bakery before she had uptown to meet with Lexa.

The anticipation of spending the day with her friend spurred Clarke in to quickly getting out of bed and almost knocking one of the puppies off of the bed with her. As she changed into a sundress, seeing that it was supposed to be very warm out, Clarke sent a quick text to Lexa.

> **Clarke** : Don't bring any letters today.

It was the only hint she was going to give her friend as to what they would be doing that day.

Once she felt good about what she was wearing and her makeup was totally applied, Clarke ran her fingers through her hair. It had grown out considerably since she’d initially cut it over a year ago, but it was still short enough that running her fingers through it was all that she needed to do to it. She then headed out the door, making sure the dogs both had bowls full of food.

At exactly ten, Clarke found herself at the corner she’d asked Lexa to meet her. Lexa was already there, wearing dark blue shorts and a white tank top, her eyes hidden behind a large pair of sunglasses, her hair held back in a long braid. She was on the phone and didn’t see Clarke coming up behind her with a bakery box.

“Thank you, Rae,” Lexa spoke into her phone as Clarke approached her. The blonde didn’t want to interrupt the conversation, but it sounded like it was nearly over. “Yes, yes I know. I’m an old fart now. I got it…yes, I know. One of the perks of having you as a best friend it seems.”

Clarke’s heart leaped into her throat as she processed what she was listening to. Lexa was on the phone with Raven, and she’d referred to Raven as her best friend. This development was new information to Clarke.

“Okay, I got it,” Lexa continued to speak into the phone. “Alright, I better go. Clarke should be here any minute. Love you too. Bye.”

“Hey!” Clarke greeted the brunette as soon as Lexa hung up the phone. She wrapped her arms around her, hugging her like she would any of her friends.

“Clarke, hey!” Lexa greeted her while returning her hug.

“I brought you something,” the blonde grinned as she opened the box she’d picked up from the bakery on the way to meet Lexa. Inside of it, she revealed a cupcake with a candle sticking out of it. “It’s red velvet,” she explained.

A grin spread across Lexa’s face as she took it in. “You remembered?”

“Of course I remembered,” Clarke assured her. “May the fourth be with you, birthday girl.” She laughed as she took out the cupcake and handed it to the birthday girl.

Lexa accepted the pastry and unwrapped the liner from around it and took a large bite. “Oh my god, this is fantastic. You have to try it.”

“I mean, if you insist,” Clarke laughed with a shrug. Lexa held the cupcake out to her and Clarke took a small bite while Lexa kept it in her hand. “Oh my god, it’s fantastic.”

“And it’s mine,” Lexa stuck her tongue out at the blonde and took another bite. “So what are we doing here anyway?”

Clarke put her arms on Lexa’s shoulders and turned her around to face the building behind them. “Well, do you still love museums?” Lexa’s eyes widened as she took in where they were and she nodded enthusiastically. “Good. Because I was thinking we could spend your birthday at the American Museum of Natural History.”

“Thank you Clarke,” Lexa smiled, before a frown found its way on to her face. “People will probably recognize me while we’re there.”

“We’re friends, right Lexa?” Clarke asked. Lexa nodded. “So there’s no reason for us to have to hide our friendship or sneak around. We have to live our lives, regardless. We can’t let other people dictate our happiness.”

Lexa grinned, a small piece of icing stuck to her upper lip. She took Clarke’s hand in hers and led her towards the impressive building.

Clarke bought their admission tickets, refusing to let Lexa pay. It was Lexa’s birthday, after all.

“Can we see the dinosaurs first?” Lexa asked after Clarke returned with their tickets. She gave Clarke puppy eyes and pouted like a child, causing the blonde to laugh loudly. She snorted as she laughed and a few people looked over at them, but it didn’t appear that anyone had looked close enough to recognize Lexa for who she was.

“You’re like a six-year-old boy you know?” Clarke teased.

“So you’re friends with little boys now Clarke?” Lexa quipped back. They quickly got into an easy banter as they walked toward the Fossil Halls.

When they reached their destination, Lexa took it all in in awe. She read every placard and admired each fossil, interjecting facts that she knew offhand. Clarke focused more on the birthday girl’s enthusiasm, enjoying the fact that Lexa was enjoying herself so much.

After Lexa decided that she’d admired the dinosaurs enough, she let Clarke lead her out towards the Human Origins and Cultural Halls.

“You were obsessed with Jurassic Park as a kid, weren’t you?” Clarke asked as soon as they were clear of the fossils.

“I loved it. I watched them all, even if the first one was the only good one. You have know idea how excited how I was when Jurassic World came out,” Lexa enthused.

But Clarke did have a good idea of how excited she had been. Even if she didn’t vaguely remember a conversation they’d had about the movie when they’d first started talking on the phone, she could tell by Lexa’s mannerisms. She was walking backwards so that she could look at Clarke and her eyes lit up as she spoke with large hand gestures.

“I forced Anya to find me a ticket to the premiere, even though I had nothing to do with the film. She managed to get me one, of course. She can get anything out of anyone. It didn’t live up to the original, of course, but it was better than the other sequels,” she continued to speak with her hand, just barely avoiding backing into a little boy and his mother, earning them a glare. “I died a little when they killed Katie McGrath, because who would ever think it okay to kill that perfect human being?”

After Lexa nearly backed into another group of people, Clarke reached out to her and spun her around so that she was facing the right way and looped their arms together.

Not deterred in the slightest, Lexa continued to speak. “How cool would a real life Jurassic Park be?”

“Umm, not cool at all,” Clarke laughed. She paused after she realized that Lexa was being serious. “Lex? For real? You’ve seen the movies. When have they EVER ended well? Literally the lessons of the movies are that T-Rexes are scary as fuck, making mutant dinosaurs is a bad idea, the dinosaurs ALWAYS get loose. Oh, and that Jimmy Buffet will protect his margaritas at all costs.”

“Whatever,” Lexa shrugged, but Clarke could see the smile on her face nevertheless. “A girl can dream.”

They continued to wander through the next hall arm in arm, only separating so that they could look closer at one of the exhibits. They took their time making their way through the museum, spending time with each exhibit. They had no other plans for the day and Clarke wanted to make sure that Lexa got her fill of history. The woman loved history museums the way Clarke loved art museums. And that was saying a lot.

On several occasions, Clarke thought she saw a few people do a couple double takes when Lexa walked by. Another time she thought she saw someone snapping their picture, but they could have also been taking a picture of the European tapestries battle behind them. Nobody actually came up to them until they took a break to fill their stomachs at one of the cafes.

They were sipping wine and chatting about how the hall of water animals didn’t have nearly enough information on giant squids (according to Lexa, anyway), when a man approached their table with two young teenaged girls behind him.

“I am really sorry to interrupt your lunch,” he interjected. “And I normally wouldn’t do this and disturb you, but it’s my daughters’ birthdays and they recognized you earlier in the Fossil Hall. I told them not to disturb you, but they pulled the birthday card on me.” He gestured back to the identical twins who were wearing matching shy smiles.

“Oh, no worries!” Lexa waved him off. “How old are you girls?”

“Twelve,” the twin closest to the table responded.

“You know what’s really funny? Today is my birthday, as well,” Lexa explained. Clarke had nearly forgotten how much of a natural Lexa was around fans. She was always very open and down to earth, the complete opposite of the way she came off to reporters.

“Really?” the second twin asked.

Lexa nodded. “Do you want to get a picture together? Just us birthday girls?” The girls looked at their father who gestured for them to approach the superstar. Lexa stood from her seat and wrapped an arm around each of the girls, asking them their names, and smiled as their father snapped the photo. “Do you guys have any other fun plans for your birthday?” she asked. “Other than spending it at my favorite museum in the world?”

The girls seemed to be opening up a bit more to Alexandria and they seemed excited that their idol also enjoyed spending her birthday at the museum. “We’re going to dinner at a place called Ninja. They have real ninjas who serve you and jump out at you,” one girl answered while the other nodded.

“Really?” Lexa asked. “That’s so cool!” She then turned back to Clarke and asked, “Clarke, are you taking me to a place with ninjas for dinner?”

Clarke laughed and shook her head. “No, but I wish I’d thought of that. That sounds pretty cool.”

“Well we’ll let you two get back to your lunch,” the father joined back into the conversation. “Thank you so much for talking to them.”

“Of course!” Lexa grinned genuinely in return. “Happy birthday, Anna and Louisa! Hope you guys have a fun time at Ninja!”

Lexa sat back down in her seat and promptly returned to her sandwich. Clarke just looked at her, remembering just how much of a generous person Lexa was.

They spent the afternoon wandering through the remaining exhibits until they finally found themselves in the planetarium. They admired the presentation and stood quietly side-by-side as they watched the projection of the Big Bang presentation.

Clarke remembered seeing something at one point that theorized that people are drawn to each other because their atoms were near each other when the universe was created and over time the same atoms keep coming back together. Or maybe it was the contents of the atoms, electrons, neutrons or protons. It made her wonder if that could possibly be why dialing a wrong number had drawn her to Lexa in the first place, and why she kept coming back to her in the smallest of ways. Maybe it was the universe trying to tell her something.

She didn’t remember grabbing Lexa’s hand or Lexa intertwining their fingers, but that’s the position they found themselves in as they looked up at the screen above them, simulating a supernova and the travel through space until they found themselves looking up at Earth itself.

“It really puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?” Lexa whispered into Clarke’s ear, obviously not wanting to disturb those around them.

“We’re so small in the grand scheme of things,” Clarke responded. “Don’t you feel so lonely and insignificant when you see things like this?”

“Not at all,” Lexa responded as she gently squeezed Clarke’s hand. “It makes me realize that the universe is so infinite in its expanse. It seems almost empty at times, and yet here we are. A planet full of life. I don’t know if there is life out there besides us, but it doesn’t really matter because in the universe of infinite possibilities, there’s life here. And it matters.” She paused and Clarke took in what she was saying. “I’m in awe of it all, but I don’t feel lonely or insignificant, I feel grateful for what I have.”

Clarke felt something shift in the air between them and she turned so that she was no longer shoulder to shoulder with Lexa, but rather facing her. She looked into her honest green eyes and saw galaxies full of infinite possibilities behind them. She saw a universe full of choices and decisions. She saw a woman who was finally okay with opening herself up to the possibility that life should be about more than just surviving.

She didn’t mean to, but Clarke’s eyes instinctively darted down to Lexa’s lips and back up to meet her gaze again. Green eyes mimicked blue. They both took half-steps closer to one another until only inches separated them. Clarke looked back down at Lexa’s lips, then back up again, as if to ask permission. Lexa nodded imperceptibly, barely visible in the room lit only by a screen.

Clarke tilted her head and moved it slowly closer to Lexa’s. Then the lights turned on.

Around them people started filing out and the sudden bright light caused both Lexa and Clarke took step away from each other and realize where they were, and that they weren’t alone.

“We should probably get out of here,” Lexa suggested. Clarke nodded and let the brunette lead her out of the planetarium.

 

* * *

 

They ended up eating dinner at a Greek restaurant owned by a couple whose son Clarke had met while she climbing the Great Wall of China. Clarke spent the dinner talking about the couple’s son and their adventures trying to communicate with each other and the Chinese locals. In the end, the Croatian Clarke had picked up had come in very much in handy, as the young man was fluent in the language. Unfortunately, neither of them were terribly good at Mandarin, resulting in some interesting meals made of food Clarke would rather not think about.

Lexa laughed at each funny part in Clarke’s story and spoke about how different it was whenever she travelled abroad. She almost exclusively travelled for tours and films, when she was surrounded by an entourage and didn’t have the opportunity to travel on her own.

Clarke promised Lexa that she would take her on a real adventure one day.

The night ended with a lingering hug before a car came to pick up Lexa and Clarke decided to take in the fresh air and walk home. She’d luckily organized for a dog walker to take out the dogs earlier, so she had no reason not to enjoy the walk home.

Hours later, Clarke smiled as she sat in bed checking up on social media. Specific tweets had caught her eye. They were the first non-career related tweets that Alexandria had published in nearly five years.

> **@AlexandriaWoods** : Thank you all for the birthday wishes!  
>  **@AlexandriaWoods** : Best birthday I’ve had in a while. Thank you friend for letting me explore the results of the Big Bang with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! In case anyone was wondering, I was 100% Lexa in the birthday part of this chapter and yes, that is my ideal date.
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	4. Paris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya and Kennedy both have different things to say to Lexa. Lexa finishes reading Clarke her first year of letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaack

_September 15, 2017_

_It’s been a year. Not a year since we broke up, but a year since I last heard your voice._

_I had that revelation about an hour ago as I was on stage in St. Louis. Right in the middle of my song, “Paris”. I wrote that song nearly two years ago now. I wrote it when you left Paris to return to DC and I continued on to the next city on my tour. I don’t remember where I was going, I only remember being on the plane while Echo complained that my humming and singing little bits of lyrics was disrupting her sleep._

_I had “Paris” written before the wheels touched down in our next city._

_It’s been two years since we spent a night on a boat on the Seine, and now a year since I’ve heard your laugh. Sometimes it feels like it’s all happening at once, that time is really just an illusion. Or that I’m about to wake up from a nightmare. I’m not sure which would be worse though, waking up to find I’d never met you at all, or finding out that this past year was just a dream._

_I think this has been the hardest year yet. I’m glad it’s over though, because I’m going to be okay. My Strangers tour will be over in a few weeks and I’ll be back in New York. I’m not dreading it anymore though. I know you won’t be there and I’m okay with that. I think I’m going to be okay._

_Yours Forever,_

_Lexa_

 

* * *

 

“So I spoke to Doctor Jackson this morning after your appointment,” Anya spoke, sitting across from Lexa in her office, slowly sipping a cup of coffee.

Lexa awkwardly crossed her arms across her chest. “What happened to doctor patient confidentiality?”

“You signed a waiver that would allow me to speak to him after each meeting,” Anya rolled her eyes. Lexa knew this, of course, it had been a necessary evil considering Anya’s job, but it still put her on edge nevertheless.

“Alright, so get on with it,” Lexa gestured to her manager to continue speaking.

“I don’t know why you’re in a pissy mood this morning,” Anya placed her mug on her desk. “Everything he said sounded very promising. And he approved of the recording schedule I sent him. And as long as we stick to making sure you’re never in the studio for more than two hours at a time and for maximum four hours a week, you should be fine. He even approved you performing on Good Morning America next month.”

“I know, he already told me that,” Lexa retorted. Yes, she was happy about the good news, after having so many appointments with Doctor Jackson that hadn’t ended well, it was a nice change of pace. If she was being honest, the reason why she was acting pissy was that she wasn’t able to spend time with Clarke that day.

Between her doctor appointment and meeting with Anya, she didn’t have any time to see Clarke that day. They’d spent nearly every day together since the first day, and after her birthday two days earlier, Lexa wasn’t fond of the idea of spending time away from her. Clarke was quickly becoming Lexa’s best friend again. Even if this time, she was only just a friend.

“There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about,” Anya continued, only pausing briefly before getting right into it. “I’ve seen the paparazzi photos from your birthday. I’ll admit that it took me a minute to recognize her, so I understand why the media isn’t all over this yet, but since when are you seeing Clarke again?”

“It’s only been about two weeks,” Lexa responded. “And we’re just friends.”

Anya scoffed so loudly that she snorted. “I find it hard to believe that you and Clarke can be just friends.”

“Well, it’s working so far,” Lexa retorted.

After spending hours the night of her birthday, lying awake repeating the day in her head, Lexa had come to the decision that she and Clarke were friends. That was it. She had been sure Clarke had been about to kiss her, or she about to kiss Clarke, at the Planetarium, but in retrospect decided she’d been imagining it. It was easier to think that way. Less complicated.

“What happens when one or both of you realize that being friends isn’t enough?” Anya asked.

The thought had crossed Lexa’s mind on several occasions, but she’d tried not to dwell on it. She knew that there were still feelings between them, obviously. It was why they had agreed to see each other again in the first place. She was sure that those feelings could be translated to friendship. Exclusive friendship. Right?

“All I’m saying is that there was a reason you broke up in the first place and it wasn’t because you didn’t love each other,” Anya continued. “Whatever happens, you need to be able to take a step back and look at your relationship objectively. You need to decide if it’s worth the pain that will likely come with it.”

“I know,” Lexa responded, all the while thinking to herself, _Clarke is worth it_.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Lexa’s Harry Potter marathon was interrupted by the sound of her phone. She groaned, hoping it wasn’t Anya, and paused the movie. The phone continued to ring as she placed her cup of honey tea on the table and searched around in the blankets she was covered in for the offending device. When she noticed it was her sister calling at such a late hour, she answered the phone nervously.

“Ken? Are you okay? What’s wrong? Where are you? Do you need someone to pick you up?” She barely took a breath between questions. Kennedy’s freshman year of college, a group of boys who had figured out who her father and half-sister were had gotten her especially drunk at a party. The boys had been in the middle of taking her home when Kennedy had frantically called Lexa asking for help. She’d spent the rest of the weekend at Lexa’s and since then, Lexa had fought off panic attacks when her sister hadn’t responded to texts promptly, or when she called her late at night.

“Lex, I’m fine!” Kennedy interrupted Lexa’s stream of questions. She didn’t sound annoyed at Lexa’s gut reaction though; she knew what it stemmed from.

“Well, you could have started with that,” Lexa huffed.

“I would have if you’d given me the chance.”

“Okay, fine,” Lexa sighed. “What’s up?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Kennedy’s words were slightly slurred and Lexa wondered if she’d been drinking.

“What do you mean?” Kennedy was a junior in college; Lexa wasn’t about to chastise her for drinking.

“You and I both know that I’m not into gossip magazines,” she began.

Lexa did know that, in fact. All too often, Kennedy had come across untrue articles about her father and family friends, as well as many hurtful things about Lexa. She’d decided not to read them after realizing it wasn’t worth it. As soon as she brought up the magazines though, Lexa knew exactly in which direction her sister was going.

Kennedy quickly continued her train of thought. “I am, however, very much into Tumblr.” Lexa knew this as well. Kennedy brought it up often. Apparently, she was a bit of a lesbian icon simply because she came out in a YouTube video that went viral her junior year of high school. “Anyway, it’s not infrequently that photos of you come up on my dash, but I generally ignore them.”

“Gee, thanks,” Lexa laughed. “I feel so loved.”

“Not my point,” Kennedy spoke. “Getting back to my point now. Anyway, I saw some interesting photos from your birthday. Since when are you seeing Clarke again?”

“Did you and Anya purposely decide to ambush me on the same day?” Lexa groaned as she fell sideways on her couch and wrapped her blankets back around her curled up form.

“As funny as that would be, no, we did not.”

Lexa groaned into the receiver as her response.

“You didn’t answer my question, Lex.”

Realizing that Kennedy wasn’t going to rest until she got the details from her, Lexa gave in and told her everything. She told her more than she’d told Anya. She told her more than she’d told Raven. And after giving her the final details, Lexa felt a sort of weight fall off her shoulders. It was nice to have someone to talk to about the whirlwind in her life that was Clarke Griffin.

“Well, shit,” Kennedy finally responded after Lexa said her piece. “You say you’re just friends, but I call bullshit on that. That’s not going to last long.”

“Anya pretty much said the same thing,” Lexa laughed. “She said that it’ll probably just end the same way it did last time. That if anything more than friendship happens between us, we’re basically fucked.”

“Anya is wrong.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You two are meant to be, any idiot could see that,” Kennedy explained. Lexa gulped at the words. “There’s a reason you wrote each other constantly for nearly five years.”

“It wasn’t constantly,” Lexa hesitated. “I stopped for a while.”

“When you were with Harper?”

“No,” Lexa responded quickly. “I wrote to her while I was with Harper. Which really should have been an indication that that relationship was never going to work.”

“When did you stop?” Kennedy asked. She didn’t wait for Lexa to respond though, as she quickly figured it out herself. “Oh. I…yeah. Okay. That makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Lexa trailed off.

“We’re not done talking about you and Clarke, but while we’re on the topic, how was your doctor’s appointment this morning?”

“It went well,” Lexa responded honestly. She then went on to tell her everything Doctor Jackson had told her, glad to be away from the discussion of Clarke. It had been nice to share it all with Kennedy, knowing that she couldn’t tell Raven everything, but she didn’t want to be forced into overanalyzing anything either.

 

* * *

 

Lexa had just arrived at Polis Books the two days later when she received a text from Kennedy.

> **Fav Sis** : Memorial Day! You’re coming, right?  
>  **Lex** : That’s the plan, nice getaway for the weekend.

The brunette greeted Vera and headed to the reading room. She got out her pile of letters and as she thumbed through them, she realized that she would be finishing her first year of letters with Clarke that day. Clarke had finished hers already and Lexa knew Clarke was curious about the pacing of Lexa’s letters, but Lexa hadn’t offered her an explanation. Clarke would find out eventually.

> **Fav Sis** : Are Rae and Echo coming this year?  
>  **Lex** : No, they’re going to Octavia and Lincoln’s so they don’t have to travel as far.

Instead of sitting in the chairs at the opposite side of the room, Lexa settled on one of the couches.

> **Fav Sis** : Perfect. So you have no excuse to not invite Clarke.  
>  **Lex** : She might be busy.  
>  **Fav Sis** : She might not be.  
>  **Lex** : I’ll think about it.  
>  **Fav Sis** : Ask. Her.

Receiving Kennedy’s last text, Lexa turned off her phone just as Clarke entered the room holding drinks for them both. Lexa immediately stood and greeted Clarke with a hug. She then graciously accepted the hot tea from Clarke as the blonde sucked on her Frappuccino.

“I don’t know how you can drink that when it’s finally hot out,” Clarke gestured to Lexa’s hot drink.

“Well, it’s not hot in here,” Lexa shrugged in response. “I just like tea I guess. Kinda like how you like crazy sugary drinks.”

“What can I say? I guess I’m just a child at heart,” Clarke grinned with her straw still in her mouth and Lexa’s heart skipped a beat. Not because she felt anything more than friendship for her though. Simply because Clarke was acting adorable. Nothing more. Or at least, that’s what she told herself.

They quickly settled into the couch, sitting side by side, thighs barely brushing. It was a small couch. Clarke went first and began to weave tales about Thanksgiving with an American family she met in Ireland and deciding to head to England next to meet her father’s extended family for the first time.

By the time Lexa reached her last letter of that first year, several hours had passed and they had rearranged their positions. Clarke was sitting on one end of the couch with Lexa’s head in her lap, her legs thrown over the other end of the couch. The blonde was mindlessly running one hand through brunette curls while her other hand was held in Lexa’s as Lexa absentmindedly played with her fingers with her hand that wasn’t grasping the letter she was reading.

“…I think I’m going to be okay. Yours forever, Lexa.” Lexa finished reading the letter and looked up into blue eyes. She stopped playing with Clarke’s fingers, but still held on to them. “So that’s it. My first year of letters. All two hundred twenty-four of them.” Clarke’s first year had consisted of one hundred eighty-three letters.

“I remember when you first played “Paris” for me,” Clarke remarked.

Lexa smiled fondly at the memory. “You were drunk and made me sing to you over Skype.”

“Well, it was before I moved to New York and I was lonely.”

“You tried to sing along once you caught on to the chorus.”

“You recorded it so that you could send it to me when I was sober.”

“Well it was pretty funny.”

“It was adorable, don’t even deny it.”

“You’re adorable.” The words slipped out of Lexa’s mouth before she even had a chance to process her response. She quickly looked away from the blonde, but not before she caught the hint of a smile on the girl’s face.

As Lexa diverted her eyes, her gaze caught the piano sitting in the opposite corner of the room. She smiled to herself and lifted her head up off Clarke’s lap and stood up. She offered Clarke a hand and guided her to the instrument. She sat down on the bench and pat the space beside her. Clarke sat.

Lexa stretched her fingers along the ivory keys, brushing the slight layer of dust off them. “I’ve never played “Paris” on the piano, so I’m not sure how it’ll sound.”

“I’m sure it’ll sound great.”

Lexa knew she shouldn’t have, but she started to hum and she figured out the chords. She hadn’t played or sung “Paris” in a long time. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had. It could have even been on her Strangers tour, three and a half years earlier.

It came back to her quickly though.

She played the chords several times, making sure she had them down pat before she took one of Clarke’s hands and placed them on the keyboard.

“What are you doing?” the blonde asked.

“Teaching you how to play,” Lexa responded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She looked to her side and saw that Clarke was looking at her with her bright blue eyes, smile spreading across her face.

Lexa placed her hand over Clarke’s and guided her through the chords until the blonde could get through them on her own. Once she had, Lexa shifted her own hands further down the piano to play the lower notes.

It took several tries, but they finally got in the rhythm and started to play. Lexa sang the lyrics softly in a voice just slightly deeper than the one she had performed with on stage in St. Louis just less than four years earlier, when she’d realized that a year had passed.

 

* * *

 

_The Paris skyline at night_   
_A sight to rival at_   
_Is nothing_   
_Nothing compared to you_   
_And your eyes all alight_   
_Because that night I fell_   
_That night I knew without you_   
_I was nothing_

_\- Paris (2017)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	5. Love From Another's Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa gets dirty

_January 14th 2018_

_His name was Stefan._

_Love From Another’s Bed,_

_Clarke_

_*_

_February 6th 2018_

_I don’t know what his name was._

_Love From Another’s Bed,_

_Clarke_

_*_

_February 17th 2018_

_Her name was Victoria and her eyes were brown._

_Love From Another’s Bed,_

_Clarke_

 

* * *

 

After wishing Costia and Bree good luck as they left for the airport, Clarke headed up to their child’s room. As she looked around at the mural-covered walls, Clarke felt the excitement that always came with finishing a project. She knew that today would be her last day painting, and she couldn’t wait to get started with it.

She pulled out all her paints and the smaller brushes that would be necessary for the remaining detail work.

Lexa arrived just as Clarke was just about to put brush to wall.

“Sorry I’m late,” the brunette sighed breathlessly as she entered the room. “Kennedy and I were getting breakfast before she heads back to Westchester for the week.”

“How is Kennedy?” Clarke asked. They had spoken about Lexa’s family in the context of Lexa’s letters, but not much about how they were currently doing.

“She’s good,” Lexa nodded. “She asked a lot about you. I told her that we’ve been talking again.”

“We’ve been doing more than just talking,” Clarke laughed. When a blush spread across Lexa’s cheeks, Clarke decided to clarify her meaning. “We’ve literally been spending everyday together.”

“Oh, right,” Lexa mumbled.

Sensing Lexa’s slight discomfort, Clarke grabbed her hands and pulled her further into the room. She took the brunette’s purse off her shoulder and placed it on the ground. She then grabbed one of her paintbrushes and pressed it into her hand.

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Lexa asked, confused.

“I think the question you should be asking is, what are YOU doing,” Clarke chuckled and tapped her brush on Lexa’s nose, leaving an orange mark.

“Did you just get paint on me?” Lexa asked.

“Nope!” Clarke responded innocently. “Clean brush, see?” She quickly changed brushes behind her back and showed the brunette a clean one.

“Good,” Lexa responded. “But I’m not painting. I’d just fuck up all your hard work.” She gestured around her to the decorated walls.

“No you won’t,” Clarke reassured her. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Lexa sighed and Clarke grinned when she walked closer to the paints and said, “Okay Michelangelo, what do I do?”

“This way,” Clarke placed a hand on Lexa’s hip and led her to the far wall by the window. “I’ve outlined the stripes on the tiger, all you need to do is fill them in. You literally couldn’t mess it up if you tried.”

“I don’t think you understand my total lack of artistic ability Clarke,” Lexa laughed. “I literally can’t even draw a straight line.”

“Well I don’t think anyone would ever assume you could do anything straight,” Clarke teased, unaware of how close she was now standing to the brunette. Surprised by Clarke’s response, Lexa laughed louder than was necessary. “Okay, time to get to work so we can be done by sundown,” Clarke continued as she patted Lexa’s shoulder and walked back to her side of the room to get started on the details of the forest.

After Lexa finished with the stripes and Clarke went over the edges of them quickly, she gave Lexa the new task of reading letters while she checked out the rest of the walls, making sure everything was perfect.

When she was finally finished, Clarke took a seat opposite Lexa and pulled out her own letters. She knew exactly which ones she would be reading that day. “I don’t really want to read these out loud,” Clarke announced as she took sheets of paper out of a handful of letters.

Lexa furrowed her brow in confusion.

“Obviously, I want you to read them, but I just don’t really feel great about reading them out loud. Can you just read them to yourself?” Clarke held the letters in her hand and looked up at the brunette nervously.

“Okay,” Lexa nodded seriously and Clarke mentally thanked Lexa for not dwelling too long on the matter.

Clarke handed Lexa the letters and watched the brunette’s impassive face as she read them. None of the letters were more than one sentence in length, but Clarke knew that they marked a shift. They signified the first sign of her getting over Lexa. To an extent anyway.

In the past five years, Clarke had slept with ten people. The first three had been within the span of just over a month, but the others had been more spread out. None of them more than two nights in a row. She didn’t regret any of them. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. One guy had stolen six euros from her, but other than that she hadn’t regretted it at all. She still didn’t. She was in control of the situation each time it happened. That didn’t mean she enjoyed telling Lexa about them though.

“I see,” Lexa finally spoke after what felt like hours to Clarke of her staring at the three pieces of paper. “The one who’s name you didn’t know, did you…did he…”

Realizing Lexa’s train of thought, Clarke quickly cut her off, “It was one hundred percent consensual. They all were.” After a brief thought she added, “There were seven others. Ten total.”

“Oh,” Lexa fell back on to her haunches and Clarke attempted to read her reaction, but her gaze was on the papers. Lexa’s eyes were always so expressive and told everything she held inside, but when she shielded them, it was sometimes impossible to read the stoic woman.

“Lex?” Clarke questioned cautiously. When Lexa didn’t respond immediately, Clarke shuffled closer to her. She placed a finger on her chin and lifted it up. “Talk to me Lex.”

“I just…I mean,” Lexa sighed. “It’s stupid because I was with Harper, but I guess I never really thought about you being with other people. Or maybe I just didn’t want to think about it. And obviously we had no obligation to each other, but I just…” She sighed again, struggling to think of the right words to say.

Clarke knew that the discussion they were having was a serious one, but she suddenly noticed the orange paint stain on Lexa’s nose that she had left there earlier and couldn’t help but giggle. Lexa pulled back from Clarke and moved to stand up, but Clarke reached out a hand and stopped her. “Sorry, that was totally inappropriate,” she spoke, all the while still trying to maintain her laughter.

“Whatever Clarke,” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“No!” Clarke yelled out just a little too loudly. “It’s just that you have paint on your nose.”

Lexa scrunched her nose, spreading the paint a bit and Clarke had to place a hand over her mouth as she laughed again. Lexa brought a finger up to her nose and felt the slightly sticky, nearly dry paint. Her mouth widened. “You said that was a clean brush!” she exclaimed.

“I may have lied,” Clarke smirked.

“In that case…” Lexa trailed off as she leaned over to the still wet brushes and dipped one in green paint. Just as Clarke processed exactly what Lexa was doing, Lexa flicked the wet paint in a long streak across Clarke’s chin.

“Oh, it is ON, Woods,” Clarke gasped. She quickly stood up and grabbed herself an open can of blue paint. She dipped a finger into it and taunted Lexa with it. In return, Lexa grabbed the green can and dipped a finger in herself.

They chased each other around, but they were both careful to stay in the middle of the room on the canvas so that they wouldn’t get paint on the murals. As a result, they ended up running around in circles, sloshing paint around and occasionally pressing a painted finger or handprint on each other.

After running around in circles, Clarke was starting to feel dizzy and when Lexa tried to catch her leg, she fell to the ground. Lexa fell on top of her. They both struggled to contain their laughter as they continued to finger paint on one another.

At the feeling of the cold paint being drawn across her collarbone, Clarke instinctively arched her back, pushing closer to Lexa. She immediately blushed when she realized what she’d just done, but the glint in Lexa’s eyes told her that Lexa had purposely tried to elicit the response.

Sensing that Lexa was momentarily distracted, Clarke hooked her leg around the other girl and flipped them so that she was now on top of Lexa. And if her leg happened to push between Lexa’s legs, she didn’t stop it. Especially not when Lexa let out a soft moan.

Hearing herself moan, Lexa slapped her hand over her mouth, forgetting it was covered with green paint. Clarke laughed and took the brunette’s green hand in her blue one. She held them up between them as if she were measuring the difference in their sizes.

Clarke stared at their hands and Lexa followed suit. They bent their fingers at the same time, intertwining them, mixing together the colors. A drop of the new color they had created fell down Clarke’s arm and Lexa used her free hand to stop its movement.

“Who would have thought that green and blue could make such a cool color together,” the brunette remarked.

“Anyone who’s ever learned anything about art,” Clarke chuckled. “It’s called cyan.”

“Cyan,” Lexa repeated, as if tasting the word for the first time. She smiled up at Clarke and Clarke’s stomach flipped. “And here I thought blue was my favorite color.” It flipped again and Clarke didn’t even have to think about what that meant.

 _Fuck_ , she thought to herself.

It would have been so easy for her to close the distance between them. To lean down and kiss Lexa’s paint-covered lips. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t afford to ruin the friendship they finally had. She knew there was another reason as well, but she couldn’t quite figure it out.

So instead of kissing her, Clarke rolled off of Lexa. She thought she saw of flicker of disappointment in those green eyes, but figured she’d just imagined it.

“I should probably clean all this up,” Clarke gestured to the room around her. “The mural is done, so I should get everything out of here tonight.”

“I’ll help,” Lexa nodded. And together they cleared everything out of the room. And if they brushed by each other just a little too closely, neither of them said anything about it.

 

* * *

 

Hours later, as Clarke sat on her couch while throwing a tennis ball across the room for her puppies to chase after, she figured it out. She figured out the second, and maybe more important reason why she hadn’t been able to kiss Lexa.

And maybe lying on top of Lexa, covered in paint, shouldn’t have been the catalyst, but it was. It wasn’t a noble catalyst, but it spurred Clarke into action nevertheless.

She threw the ball to Padfoot and Spike one last time and pulled out her phone. She opened a new text message and began to type, the words flowing out of her easily. Before she could rethink herself, she pressed send.

> **Clarke** : Hi Raven, I know it’s been a long time. Too long. And I’m sorry. It was selfish of me to cut you off the way I did. I wish I had reached back out to you sooner. I understand if you aren’t comfortable talking to me again, or never want to be my friend again, but I would love to have the opportunity to catch up at some point. Thanks, Clarke.

She collapsed back on the couch after pressing send and the dogs immediately climbed on top of her. She found petting them soothing and continued to do so until she had nearly fallen asleep. She was jarred out of her near-comatose state by the vibration of her phone on her chest.

Clarke quickly snapped up the phone and rubbed her eyes as she looked at the screen.

> **Raven** : Are you still the same Clarke who thinks ketchup is pronounced catch-up?

The blonde smiled at the response.

> **Clarke** : And if I am?

This time, Raven responded immediately.

> **Raven** : Then I know that you’re still the same freak who became my friend even after figuring out we were with the same guy.  
>  **Clarke** : I guess I am :P  
>  **Raven** : I’m going to be up to New York in two weeks. Let’s meet up.  
>  **Clarke** : That sounds great. Thanks Rae.

When Raven didn’t respond immediately, Clarke got up off the couch and headed towards her bedroom, puppies in tow. She collapsed on to her bed and pulled the covers over her body. Sleep had nearly hit her once again when her phone buzzed again.

> **Lexa** : My dad throws a big Memorial Day party every year at his house house in the Hamptons. I’m going for the whole long weekend. Raven and Echo have come in the past, but they’re not coming this year. Would you want to come with? I was planning on leaving Friday.

Clarke wondered if Lexa had waited to invite her until after she had reached out to Raven. She had to assume that Raven must have immediately told Lexa that she’d texted her. She wondered if Lexa had thought that Clarke had finally crossed a barrier as well.

It was an easy answer for Clarke. She didn’t know what would happen that weekend, but she knew that she wanted to spend time with Lexa.

> **Lexa** : Kennedy told me to tell you that you better come. But I’m just going to ask nicely.  
>  **Lexa** : And also point out the fact that it’s your fault I spent hours trying to get paint out of my hair.

Clarke grinned at Lexa’s triple message.

> **Clarke** : Count me in.  
>  **Clarke** : But only because I want to see Kennedy, not because I want to spend time with you.  
>  **Clarke** : And I’m just going to point out that you were just as much a culprit as I was :P

Clarke plugged in her phone and snuggled back into her bed.

> **Lexa** : I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree  
>  **Clarke** : I can think of one thing we agree on though.  
>  **Lexa** : Oh?

Clarke typed her message and thought on it a moment before she finally decided to press send.

> **Clarke** : I think cyan might be my favorite color as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	6. Stand Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memorial Day Weekend Part 1: the drive to Westhampton, Lexa tells Clarke about that thing you've all wanted to know about, the Woods fam is great (Kennedy knows whats up), Robert and Raven tag team without realizing it, they go out on a boat  
> We finally find out what Clarke's tattoo is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an astute reader would notice that i've upped the chapter count from 10 to 11. That is because silly me forgot to include the grossly adorable epilogue in the chapter count

_March 3rd 2019_

_Clarke,_

_Hidden Majesty was officially released today. According to Anya, it broke some record for the amount of downloads within the first twelve hours of its release which is pretty damn awesome. I’m incredibly excited that everyone gets to see this album after the amount of time I’ve put into it. It took a shit ton of work, but I think it might be my best one yet._

_Tour starts in a few weeks for Hidden Majesty and everything has been really crazy between album launch media events as well as practices for the tour. There’s a decent amount of pyrotechnics involved and luckily I haven’t burnt myself. Yet. One of the techs though got her hair caught on fire during one of our initial run throughs, but thankfully we put it out in time before there was any real damage. Anya still had to deal with a bit of backlash from that though._

_I would have thought that I would be exhausted, but it’s all actually pretty invigorating. I can already tell that it’s going to be different than the Strangers tour, two years ago. My opening acts are great and I can already tell the tour itself is going to be a ton of fun._

_I think the biggest change though when it comes to this tour is my costumes. When the wardrobe department took my measurements and began discussing with me different ideas for costumes, we realized that some of the problems I had in past tours weren’t a problem anymore. My scars have faded. A lot. I don’t have to worry about strategically covering them up anymore. I’m not going all out and strutting across stage half-naked, that’s not really my thing. But to not have to worry about people theorizing why I have certain scars? It’s an incredible feeling._

_I have this feeling that Hidden Majesty, the album, the tour and everything about this year is just going to be fantastic._

_Yours Forever,_

_Lexa_

_PS: I drunkenly slept with Harper the other night. It was weird, but I didn’t feel the guilt I was expecting from it._

 

* * *

 

Clarke had offered to drive from the city to Robert Woods’ home in Westhampton and Lexa hadn’t argued with her. She wasn’t the best driver in the world, mostly because she never really had much experience. It had taken her three tries before she’d passed her driver’s test.

It being the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, they were stuck in traffic the entire ride out towards the end of the island. It took them over four hours. Luckily though, they were able to pass the time listening to music and reading aloud letters while Padfoot and Spike entertained each other behind them.

Every once in awhile, Lexa would lean back to scratch the dogs’ heads and offer them treats, claiming they not-so-secretly preferred her to Clarke. Clarke originally scoffed at the assumption, but after Lexa took Padfoot onto her lap at one point, she decided not to argue the point any further.

She knew that Clarke hated the fact that they were hitting traffic the entire drive, but Lexa actually enjoyed the long time they had in the car together with the dogs. She’d originally laughed when she’d heard the names, but then decided that she loved them. After all, if she had dogs, she would probably name them after something Buffy or Harry Potter related, as well.

They were finally past the halfway point when it came to the letters. Lexa had only about a hundred letters left to read, covering the span of two and a half years. She was almost at the gap. The period of time when she didn’t write to Clarke at all. And after reading out loud about the start of the Hidden Majesty tour, Lexa knew that it was time to tell Clarke about what had happened, what had led up to the gap.

She waited until she reached a letter halfway through that summer, when they were still an hour away from Westhampton.

“Dear Clarke,” Lexa began to speak, scratching behind Spike’s ear. “Remember how I said that _Hidden Majesty_ was going to be my favorite tour yet? Well I think it still is. It’s been incredible. I can’t believe it’s already September and it’s nearly over. It gets a bit exhausting at times, but it’s definitely worth it. Each show has gone off pretty much without a hitch. Until tonight’s show. I was in the middle of “Stand Alive” when it felt like shards of glass were being shoved down my throat. I finished the show, and I don’t think anyone noticed, but the pain only faded a bit. I’ve been in my dressing room since the show ended, over an hour ago. The panic attack only just subsided. Yours forever, Lexa.”

“Did you ever figure out why that happened to your throat?” Clarke asked. “Was it just from over stretching your vocal cords or something?”

Lexa was ready to address that matter with Clarke, but that wasn’t what she wanted to talk about first. “I did,” she nodded. “But there’s actually something more important about that letter.”

“What’s that?” she questioned.

“Well, the date on that letter is September 17th, 2019. Ironically, it was your birthday, but there’s a more important anniversary on that date.” Lexa paused, but Clarke didn’t interrupt her. “That was the last panic attack. I haven’t had one in nearly two years now.”

“Are you serious?” Clarke exclaimed. “Lexa, that’s incredible!” She took her eyes off the road for only a moment to glance at Lexa with a smile, one that Lexa quickly returned. Clarke then took a hand off the steering wheel and placed it on Lexa’s arm, giving it a slight squeeze.

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded with a blush. “Prior to then, they were happening less frequently. I think I just finally got control over everything after that.”

“That’s awesome,” Clarke repeated.

Lexa leaned down at kissed Spike’s head before turning and placing him in the back of the car with his brother. “I shouldn’t have waited until it got to that point to see a doctor. And I don’t mean about the panic attacks, I mean the thing with my throat. I didn’t really think about it though. I just assumed it was sore because I’d been overworking it.”

“Lexa, what’s wrong?” Clarke asked, her voice now serious.

“I explain it in the upcoming letters,” Lexa began. “But I’ll just tell you. I did a shitty job of explaining it in the letters.”

“Tell me what?” Lexa could hear the growing tone of nervousness in the blonde’s voice.

“In layman’s terms, my vocal folds are scarred and pretty much fucked from years of overusing them and my larynx isn’t doing much better. I had a surgery on them about a year ago. It helped a bit, but they weren’t able to fully fix everything. That’s why I haven’t released an album since _Hidden Majesty_.”

“Oh Lexi,” Clarke sighed.

“It sucks, but I’ve more or less gotten over it. Or at least, I’ve dealt with it anyway.”

“I had no idea. I can only imagine how hard that was for you.”

“It was,” Lexa nodded.

The two sat in silence for a bit and it wasn’t long before they finally reached their destination, Lexa providing Clarke with directions to her father’s beach house, the dogs in the back sticking their heads out the open windows as if they sensed they’d nearly reached their destination.

Madeleine and Kennedy greeted Clarke and Lexa as soon as they pulled down the gravel driveway. While Lexa saw Kennedy fairly often, as her sister was a student at NYU, she hadn’t seen Maddie since Christmas as the other girl had just finished her freshman year at UCLA, on the opposite side of the country.

“Did you dye your hair?” Lexa asked with a laugh as she played with her youngest sister’s blonde locks.

“Nope,” Maddie shook her head. “It must just be the southern California sun.”

“Fine, if you really want to know, I do in fact dye my hair,” Kennedy interjected teasingly. Lexa rolled her eyes and shoved the girl in response. Kennedy was a natural blonde like Madeleine, but had been dying her hair brown since she was fifteen. In fact, Lexa had never known Kennedy with her natural hair color.

Remembering that Clarke was behind her, Lexa took a step to the side. “You guys remember Clarke, right?” She knew that they would, but felt the need to introduce her anyway.

Clarke offered her former almost-half-sister-in-laws an awkward wave.

“You don’t actually think we’d forget who Clarke is, do you? I mean, we hosted an engagement party for the two of you in our backyard.” Kennedy teased, earning her another shove from her older sister. Kennedy was one of the few people who could manage to tease Lexa about Clarke and not feel awkward about it.

“And if I remember correctly, both of you got slightly more than tipsy at that party,” Clarke raised her eyebrows at the girls. Maddie and Kennedy exchanged a glance, clearly not knowing that they had ever been found out, before they all burst out laughing.

“Where is everyone else?” Lexa asked, once they all managed to control their laughter.

“Mom, Carly, and Alycia are getting dinner ready. Dad is out on the boat with Tim, Tucker and Carson,” Maddie answered. “Alycia is Tim’s wife,” she added for Clarke’s benefit. She had joined their family after Lexa and Clarke’s break-up.

“Sure seems like the whole gang is here then,” Clarke laughed. While she’d briefly mentioned it to Clarke, Lexa realized that she hadn’t fully explained how much better their blended family had gotten at actually acting like a family. Lexa’s step-mother had even come around to liking Lexa, especially after learning everything Lexa’s biological mother had done to her.

Lexa didn’t keep any secrets from her family. Not now that she had a family who actually loved her. Her step-mother had even stepped in in ways that Lexa had never anticipated. She had been the one who’d picked Lexa up from the hospital and stayed with her the night after her surgery.

On multiple occasions, Lexa had accidentally slipped up and called the woman Mom instead of Addison. She never corrected her though.

“Oh my god! Are those puppies!?” Lexa was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of her sisters’ squealing.

Clarke let the dogs out of the backseat and they immediately started jumping up and licking the faces of the two girls who had knelt down to pet them.

“You told your dad I was bringing the dogs, right?” Clarke questioned.

Lexa nodded. “I asked him to put us in the guest house because while I don’t think anyone is allergic, I thought it would just be easier.”

“About that…” Kennedy stood up and looked at her older sister, wearing a guilty expression.

“What?” Lexa asked.

“Well, a few of my friends are coming as well, and we can’t all fit in my room, so I’m going to be in the guest house with them. We need two of the bedrooms.” Kennedy acted like she felt bad about what she was seeing, but Kennedy’s eyes were just as expressive as she knew hers to be, and while Kennedy was clearly telling the truth, she probably didn’t feel bad about it.

“There are only three bedrooms in the guest house though,” Lexa remarked, knowing exactly what Kennedy was going to say next.

“You and Clarke are going to have to share a room.”

Lexa sighed. It wasn’t that she hated the idea of having to share a room with Clarke, but rather that it could potentially get incredibly awkward. They were friends and Lexa didn’t want to jeopardize that.

“You have the room with two queens though,” Kennedy added and Lexa breathed in relief. At least they wouldn’t have to deal with the awkwardness that would come with being forced into a bed together.

Maddie and Kennedy offered to help Clarke and Lexa to their room, but ended up just taking the dogs’ toys and leading the way, leaving Clarke and Lexa with their bags.

 

* * *

 

After dinner with all of Lexa’s family, everyone acting surprisingly polite to Clarke, Carson and Kennedy included, they decided to head in for an early night. Both Lexa and Clarke were exhausted from their day of traveling and knew that they had a long weekend ahead of them.

Neither woman had to speak to know that Clarke would have the bed by the window and Lexa would have the one by the door. They barely even spoke at all as they got ready for bed. It wasn’t until Lexa had turned off the lights and lay in her bed that Clarke spoke.

“I wish I could have been here with you when you got the family you always deserved.”

Clarke’s comment caught Lexa off guard and she wasn’t able to supply an immediate response. Clarke didn’t seem to mind though, as she continued to speak herself.

“I got to see the beginning of it, when we were engaged. Even though you were gone for most of it, I could see your family starting. It’s a totally selfish wish, I know, but I would have liked to have been there for all those times everyone talked about at dinner.”

“I wish you could have been there as well,” Lexa spoke. She thought carefully about her next sentence, but ultimately decided that Clarke deserved the truth. “I think it would have been different if you had been there though. It wouldn’t have been the same.”

“What do you mean?”

Lexa turned on the lamp on the side table beside her and hopped off her bed. She walked over to her suitcase and pulled out a letter. She held it up and spoke, “This is the letter from the night before my surgery.”

Clarke sat up in bed and scooted over, patting the space beside her. Without questioning it, Lexa sat down on the free space and opened the letter. She cleared her throat and read from it.

 

* * *

 

_May 3rd, 2020_

_Tomorrow is my surgery and I’m scared. I’m scared for the most stupid of reasons though. I’m scared because I hate IVs. I’m scared that I’ll say something stupid when I wake up in recovery. I’m scared that someone will see me at the hospital and tell the world that there’s something wrong with me._

_I know I should be worried about more important things, like the surgery not doing anything or making things worse. Or you know, dying on the operating table, but I’m not for some reason. I guess whatever happens, happens._

_Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what would happen if I were forced to give up my singing career, which may end up being a real problem. I actually even met up with Julie Andrews to talk about it (and totally freaked out about meeting her, but whatever). She made me realize that there’s more to me than my voice._

_So if this surgery doesn’t work, then maybe there’s a reason for it. I don’t believe in God, but I do believe that there is no such thing as a coincidence, that sometimes shit happens, but that in the long run it may help you. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, so to speak._

_I know exactly how everything is going to go tomorrow. Gustus is going to drive Anya and I to the hospital. Anya will stay with me until I go into surgery. The surgery will be several hours, and I’ll be passed the fuck out. I’ll wake up in recovery where I’ll find out how the surgery went. Addison will be there. I’ll admit I was a bit surprised when she volunteered, but I’m really grateful. She’ll then take me home and stay with me for at least the first night._

_Raven and Echo will be up to New York to visit me in three days. My siblings all promised to pop in and out. Costia and her wife, Bree, already volunteered to make home-cooked meals for me whenever I ask for them. Octavia even promised to visit. I know that sick people make her uncomfortable, especially after all she went through with her miscarriage, but she promises she’ll come next week. I told her she didn’t have to, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I guess pregnant-Octavia is not someone you can argue with._

_Some people may think that this whole situation might be the worst thing to ever happen to me, but they’re wrong. Kimberly was the worst thing to happen to me. It’s not just that though. This whole ordeal has made me realize that I have so many people in my life that care for me. People who love me. I have a family. I have a family here, ready to drop what they’re doing and care for me._

_I’m not sure if this is going to be my last letter, but it might be. I asked you to marry me just over four years ago and our relationship has been over for just under that. I don’t feel like I’m pining for you, but there’s a part of me that will always love you. I’m not sure if I’ve continued these letters because I still love you, or because they’re just part of my routine. I don’t even know if you’ve even written me one._

_I may start writing to you again, but for now, this is it. I need to be able to fully commit myself to the life I am living. It’s time for me to figure out who I am if I’m not a singer anymore._

_Yours Forever,_

_Lexa_

 

* * *

 

It took Lexa a few moments to register where she was when she woke up the next morning. When she turned over in her bed, she saw Clarke still sleeping in the other bed on the opposite side of the room.

After she’d read Clarke the letter that was the last one before the nine month gap, they’d sat together in silence for a long stretch of time. She’d rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder, and Clarke had kissed her hand. Once they both started yawning though, Lexa had headed back to her own bed, but not before Clarke had kissed the top of her head.

Lexa wasn’t surprised to find a text from Raven waiting for her when she unplugged her phone from its charger.

> **Raven** : How was the first night with Clarke and your family?  
>  **Lexa** : Clarke and I are sharing a room. And before you ask, that wasn’t the plan. And no, we’re not sharing a bed. There are two beds.

Lexa carefully got out of bed, not wanting to wake Clarke and pulled on a sweatshirt to head into the main house for breakfast, bringing her phone with her. She put some food in the dogs’ bowls, but they were still passed out.

> **Raven** : I get that you’re trying to do the whole friendship thing, but I don’t understand why you won’t even try for something more than that.  
>  **Raven** : You obviously both still have feelings for each other  
>  **Raven** : And you can’t exactly shake chemistry.

Robert was the only one already awake when she arrived in the kitchen.

“How’d you sleep?” he asked as he looked up from his cereal at his daughter.

“Pretty well actually,” Lexa smiled in return.

> **Lexa** : What if it all goes to shit again?  
>  **Lexa** : What if she doesn’t want that?  
>  **Lexa** : What happens when things get hard again? Will she run away? Will she leave me and everyone else behind again?

“I’m glad you and Clarke are getting back together,” Robert continued, his mouth half full of cereal.

“We’re not getting back together, Dad,” Lexa sighed as she poured herself a bowl of Cheerios and sat down opposite her father. “We’re just friends.”

Robert didn’t appear to be convinced. “You say you’re just friends, but you can’t deny the history between you two. And you brought her to spend a weekend with your family.”

“Kennedy invited friends as well.”   
“She wasn’t engaged to any of them though. And as far as I’m aware, she isn’t in love with any of them.”

“Whatever Dad,” Lexa rolled her eyes. She didn’t need both Raven and her father annoying her about the situation.

Raven: So what you’re saying is that you don’t trust her.  
Lexa: My heart trusts her, but my head isn’t sure.

Before long, the others had woken up and were getting breakfast themselves. Lexa decided to head back to her room to leave room at the kitchen table and to get ready for the day. She pours a cup of coffee and makes it the way Clarke likes it and takes it with her.

As if she could smell the coffee, Clarke immediately woke up the moment Lexa entered their room.

“Something smells like heaven,” the blonde sniffed the air, her eyes still closed. Lexa smiled at the sight of the just woken girl and her crazy bed head.

“Aww thanks, it’s just my natural morning smell,” Lexa laughed.

Clarke opened one eye and glanced to the side at Lexa, eye falling on the mug of coffee. “Nope, definitely the coffee I smell.”

Lexa laughed again and handed the girl her cup. She graciously drank from it.

“Almost everyone is awake,” Lexa explained. “We were thinking about spending the day out on the boat. I think Tim and Alycia are making sandwiches for everyone now.”

“We can all fit on the boat?” Clarke asked.

“Definitely,” Lexa nodded. “Dad went all out on the thing. It’s built to hold his entire family for the day, plus friends, without sacrificing speed. So we could even go water skiing off it if we wanted.”

“Count me in,” Clarke grinned.

“You better start getting ready then,” Lexa spoke, turning around to rummage through her bag, pulling out a bathing suit and cover up before heading into the bathroom to get changed.

Less than an hour later they’d all made their way onto the Godparent, aptly named for one of Robert’s biggest roles, after taking shifts on the dinghy from their private dock to where the large vessel was moored.

Once out on the water, Lexa’s younger brothers argued over who got to go water skiing first, but eventually just decided to take out the tube and go on it together. Everyone took turns on the tube, even Addison. Finally, Clarke and Lexa relented and got on themselves.

They shed their coverups, pulled on life vests and dropped into the water. Lexa climbed onto the tube first, then helped Clarke up.

“We’ll have better stability if we overlap our inner arms,” Lexa explained. Clarke nodded and they grabbed onto their corresponding handles. “Have you ever done this before?”

“Nope,” Clarke shook her head with a laugh. “I went water skiing a few times when I was younger, but never tubing.”

“You’re going to love it,” Lexa grinned.

Lexa lifted a hand from its handle and gave her father a thumbs up. Moments later, the boat was in motion, quickly gaining speed. Clarke laughed loudly and Lexa grinned as the salty wind whipped their hair behind them.

“He’s going to try and knock us off,” Lexa yelled over the sound of the wind, explaining what they had already witnessed with the previous tube riders.

Sure enough, after several minutes of just being dragged in a relatively straight line, Robert turned the boat so that the tube attached to it by the long cord was off to the side. He then quickly revved the boat and turned it back in the other direction. Lexa’s body slammed against Clarke’s at the jerking motion, but they both stayed attached to the tube’s handles, even if their legs were flailing.

Robert then started to drive in a straight line again and Clarke overlapped their legs. “If I’m going down, I’m taking you with me,” the blonde stated with a smile.

Their moment of relief was short lived, however, as Robert quickly tried to whip them again, this time at a greater speed.

“This is it!” Lexa yelled above the wind.

Clarke’s body hugged closer to hers, and this time when the force of the boat whipped the tube, it was so strong that it pulled the handles out from under the women’s wet grips. They fell into the water with harsh splashes, heads clanking against one another.

Lexa’s life vest quickly buoyed her back to the surface where she took a deep breath of hair and rubbed the sticky hair from her face. She turned around and saw that Clarke was only a few feet away from her, rubbing her head where Lexa’s had hit hers.

“You okay?” Lexa asked as she swam over to the girl.

“That was incredible!” Clarke exclaimed, grabbing on to Lexa once she reached her. It was easy for Lexa to allow Clarke to wrap her legs around her under the surface. It was almost like the rules about personal space were completely different in the water. She wasn’t complaining.

Eventually, Robert circled the boat around and picked them up. Nobody talked about the fact that Lexa had literally been holding Clarke when the boat arrived. Tucker pulled them both aboard, followed by the tube. He’d flipped a coin with Carson and was going to get to go water skiing first.

Lexa was laughing along with Clarke, talking about how much fun they’d just had, when she suddenly fell silent. Clarke had just taken off her life vest and looked at the brunette questioningly when she stopped talking. Lexa didn’t have words to say though, and it was like her hand was moving of its own accord.

Lexa reached out and brushed her fingers across Clarke’s ribs, just under her bikini top. She felt Clarke’s breath hitch under her touch and goosebumps rise on the tattooed skin.

Clarke clearly knew exactly what Lexa was doing as her fingers flitted over the inked skin. “I got it after I heard the song for the first time. I got it that very day.”

Lexa knew that people had tattoos with her lyrics, she’d been tagged in them on multiple occasions on Instagram and there was at least one Buzzfeed article about people with her lyrics as tattoos. Seeing it on Clarke was entirely different though.

“I Will Stand Alive.” The words were there in a simple script. It wasn’t incredibly decorative, it was simple. It was beautiful.

Lexa finally looked up from the tattoo and made eye contact with Clarke, her hand unmoved. Neither woman realized that they’d subconsciously moved closer to each other, just far enough apart so that there was room for Lexa’s hand between them.

Lexa’s hand shifted so that she was clutching Clarke’s side, just below her breast. Clarke reached a hand out brushed a wet curl from Lexa’s face and tucked it behind her ear.

“When I heard “Stand Alive” for the first time, that’s when I started to think about going home. That’s when I started to realize that I needed to stop running. It was still over a year before I went home, but that’s when I realized that I eventually needed to go home,” Clarke answered an unspoken question. “Even when I was running, I had you to anchor me.”

This time, Lexa was certain that Clarke’s gaze had briefly shifted down to her lips. She knew she hadn’t imagined it. Their wet, bikini clad bodies were now flush to one another, hands and arms holding each other steady. Lexa could feel Clarke’s nipples, hardened from the cold water, pressing through her bikini top against her own.

Lexa looked down at Clarke’s lips and they were slightly chapped and just barely open, begging for Lexa’s.

When Tucker accidentally dropped a ski, the world came crashing down and Lexa and Clarke both realized where they were. Instead of quickly jumping apart like they had at the planetarium though, they only separated by inches, hands finding each other without having to say anything, fingers intertwining. Lexa looked away from Clarke for only a moment to find the source of the sound, but then her gaze quickly returned to the blonde’s blushing cheeks and the slight upturn of her lips.

Kennedy was the one that broke the silence. “That has got to be the gayest thing I’ve ever witnessed. And that’s saying something considering the amount of gay porn I’ve watched.”

And that’s when everyone started laughing, as a family.

 

* * *

 

_Even when the days are tough_   
_And the good days are further_   
_And further apart_   
_I’ll come back from the other side_   
_And I will stand…_   
_Stand Alive._

_\- Stand Alive (2019)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lot's of reveals in this chapter! I would love to hear what you think of them
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	7. Love From Terminal 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memorial Day weekend Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm just going to let this chapter play out, see you at the bottom of the page with more notes

_August 23rd 2020_

_Lexa,_

_I’m at the Frankfurt airport. I’m finally going home, four years later. Octavia said that I could be her baby’s godmother if I were home for the christening. I let her think that that was the reason why I decided to go back. It wasn’t_

_I keep hearing the lyrics to “Stand Alive,” though it doesn’t help that I have some of the words tattooed on my skin. They made me wonder if I was running away. It came out over a year ago, and I still can’t shake it._

_When I left, I wasn’t running away. I know that. I needed to leave. I needed to find myself. But I think I found myself pretty quickly after leaving. I’ve been gone for four years, and I think I’ve been running for the past three._

_I’ve been running away from my mom, scared that now that we have a good relationship, I’ll fuck it up. I’ve been running away from my friends, afraid they’ll call me out on my bullshit. I’ve been running away from Raven, jealous of the life she has, the life I can’t have. I’ve been running away from you, because I don’t know how to stop loving you._

_I’ve moved on, or at least that’s what I tell myself. But I’m so scared to go home because that’s when I’ll be forced to return to a normal life. And I don’t know if I can really live a normal life without you. Because you were my normal. You were my life._

_When I get back, I’m going to stay with my mom in Virginia, because I don’t know what else to do. I’ve had a few people reach out over the years about me painting pieces for them, so I’m going to try and follow up on those. I’m thinking of maybe moving to New York. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea though, or an incredibly horrible one. I guess only time will tell._

_Love From Terminal 3,_

_Clarke_

 

* * *

 

After spending all of Saturday out on the boat, everyone was ready to pass out the moment they arrived back at the Woods’ home. Everyone went to their respective rooms, Kennedy and her friends who had arrived that morning began to organize who was sleeping where, while Clarke put the dogs on leashes to give them a walk before bed.

Clarke had the two hyper puppies on individual leashes, ready to walk them down the street, when Lexa appeared, already having changed into an old tour t-shirt and shorts for bed, contacts exchanged for glasses and her hair up in a messy bun. She’s spent the day with Lexa wearing nothing more than a bikini, or a bikini covered in a life jacket at times, but it was Lexa in her bedtime attire that made Clarke’s heart race faster. It didn’t escape her notice that this was the Lexa she fell in love with. This was the girl from their first Skype call, glasses, curly hair and everything.

“Would you like company?” the brunette asked, gesturing to the panting puppies, both looking up at her expectantly.

She’d tried to convince herself that she could be just Lexa’s friend, but she couldn’t. She was Lexa’s friend, yes, but Clarke could never be content with just that. Not after the almost-kiss in the planetarium, not after the hours listening to each other’s voices reading letters, not after the almost-kiss on the boat in front of Lexa’s whole family, and certainly not after Lexa showed up in her night clothes, asking the most simple and domestic of questions.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked.

Clarke shook her head, pulling herself out of her thoughts as she realized that she hadn’t actually answered Lexa’s question.

“I always like your company,” Clarke smiled, handing Spike’s leash to her ex-fiance.

They walked down the driveway in silence, but it was a comfortable quiet. Clarke didn’t feel the need to talk and obviously neither did Lexa. There was something peaceful about the way they walked shoulder to shoulder, letting the dogs guide the way.

“You’ve always been my anchor as well,” Lexa finally broke the silence. “What you said on the boat, that I anchored you…you kept me sane so many times. Mostly when we were together, but after as well. I’d think about you and how you always saw me for me. It helped whenever I thought I was going crazy. And it helped when I thought my singing career was over.

Clarke switched Padfoot’s leash from her left to her right hand, and with her left, she took Lexa’s free hand in hers. She squeezed it once before intertwining their fingers as she responded, “I think you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. Life hasn’t exactly dealt you the best hand, shitty mom, messed up family situation and now everything with your voice…but you never let it change who you are. Or maybe you’re just strong because of it.”

“I dealt with panic attacks and anxiety problems for years Clarke,” Lexa half-chuckled. “I hardly see how that constitutes me being the strongest person you know.”

Clarke stopped in her tracks, causing Lexa to stop with her, the dogs pulling on their leashes. “You really don’t believe me, do you?”

Lexa looked at Clarke, confusion painted across her face. “I mean, I know I’ve overcome shit, but I think it’s unfair to compare my problems to the real horrible shit some people go through.”

“I don’t get how you do that,” Clarke shook her head.

“Do what?”

“See past your own situation. You internalize everything. You hate burdening others. You accept what’s happening to you. You don’t run away. Somehow, you anchor yourself.”

“That doesn’t always work in my favor though. The fact that I couldn’t let people in was a problem, it made things worse sometimes.”

“You make me want to stop running,” Clarke admitted as she looked away from Lexa’s gaze, taking a step forward. Lexa squeezed her hand in return.

They continued their way in silence, hands held the entire way until they returned to the guest house and fell asleep in beds on opposite sides of the room.

The next morning, Clarke found herself waking before Lexa. She had been surprised to find the girl still asleep, as she was usually the first one up, or at least always had been. Feeling comfortable enough with Lexa’s family, she through on a bathing suit and coverup and headed out with the dogs to see what was for breakfast and if she could help with anything.

Everyone was already outside, a large spread of food set up on one of the patio’s tables.

“Is Lexa still asleep?” Kennedy asked.

“Yeah, she’s out like a light,” Clarke laughed. “I’m surprised actually. She’s usually an early riser.”

“Good morning Clarke!” Addison greeted the blonde. “Since you’re already up, would you mind helping me grab some more juice from the kitchen?”

“Sure thing,” Clarke nodded, following the woman into the house.

When they entered the large kitchen, Addison opened the double-door stainless steel fridge and pulled out several pitchers of different types of juices.

“I have to admit I did have an ulterior motive in having you come in here,” Addison admitted. “I wanted to talk to you about Lexa. Or more specifically, your relationship with Lexa.”

“Our current friendship, or our past relationship?” Clarke asked, confused, unsure of what Addison was getting at.

“Is there really a difference?” Addison’s words weren’t laced with sarcasm, but rather soft tones of questioning.

“I…” Clarke stuttered, not knowing how to respond, not having expected to have this conversation with Lexa’s step-mother.

“I became a mother the day I married Robert,” Addison spoke, starting a seemingly unrelated topic of conversation. “It wasn’t in the traditional sense, of course. I was a step-mother to Tim and Carly. And I guess I was officially Lexa’s step-mother as well, but not really. She wasn’t in my life. I made sure of that. Tim and Carly were easy. They were old enough that they understood my role in their life, but young enough that they didn’t resent me. I learned quickly how to be their step-mother.”

Clarke allowed Addison to speak and didn’t interrupt her, still trying to figure out where the woman was headed with her speech.

“Kennedy had an awful stomach as a baby, but I figured out how to be her mother. Madeleine loved car rides as a toddler, they would put her to sleep. Tucker needed his alone time, he still does. And Carson loves to be coddled. I learned one by one how to be a mother to each of them. It was about a year ago though that I finally learned what being a mom really was.”

Addison poured herself a cup of orange juice and drank from it before continuing. She offered Clarke a glass as well which she gladly accepted.

“By that point Lexa was part of our family. She came to all the family events, she looked after Kennedy once she started at NYU and while I was originally hesitant towards her, I’d accepted her as part of my family. She was just an additional member to our family though, I had no personal relationship with her. Not until the weeks leading up to her surgery. It was really just a scheduling thing. Lexa needed someone with her at certain doctor’s appointments and she needed someone to watch after her following the surgery. And I was the only one available.”

Clarke nodded along, finally catching onto Addison’s direction of speech.

“When I was with Lexa after the surgery, making sure she was taking her medicine, making sure she wasn’t in too much pain and coercing her into trying to eat soup, I learned what it really meant to be a mother. Being a mom is caring about your child and wanting nothing more than to protect them from every form of pain imaginable. And while I felt that way about my other children, Lexa became the daughter I never expected to have. And that’s why I don’t think I really understood motherhood until last year. While this may seem random to you, I need to let you know that Lexa is my daughter just as much as Kennedy, Maddie and Carly are my daughters, and it’s my job as her mother to protect her. So I need to know, do I need to protect her from you? Because I don’t think she would survive losing you again. If she ends up losing her singing career, she’ll be devastated, but she’ll get over it. She could never get over you though.”

Clarke was struck by the sincerity and sheer amount of ferocity in Addison’s words. In all honesty, they scared her. Addison scared her.

“I don’t…” Clarke stuttered. “I don’t plan on hurting Lexa. I never did. Just as she never planned on hurting me. We did it to ourselves in a way. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, if we’ll figure out a way to be friends or what, but I do know that I have no plans on letting her out of my life. Because I don’t think I’d survive it either.”

“That’s good to hear Clarke,” Addison nodded. “By the way I’ve seen you two interact so far this weekend, I figured that was the case, but I needed to be sure.”

Addison took pitchers in her hands and Clarke picked up the remaining juices. They began to walk about outside when Clarke felt the urge to tell Addison what she was really thinking. “You’re wrong, you know,” she announced.

“Excuse me?”

“You said you don’t think Lexa would survive losing me, but you’re wrong,” Clarke clarified. “Lexa is stronger than anyone else. She could survive anything. That’s just who she is, she’s a survivor.”

Without another word, Clarke walked out onto the patio. She her back to Addison, she didn’t see the way Addison was smiling at her, as if she knew what was to come, and that it was good. What she did see, was Lexa standing in a coverup at the table outside, talking to Kennedy’s friends. She saw Lexa’s eyes immediately find hers and she saw the smile spread across her face.

What she didn’t see, was the way Kennedy rolled her eyes and Maddie feigned vomiting at the sight of the two girls locking eyes. And she didn’t see the silent exchange that occurred between Addison and Robert.

 

* * *

 

They spent the day lounging by the pool, occasionally getting in when they got too hot. After Robert and Carly returned from playing on the private tennis court, Kennedy suggested a game of greased watermelon. Everyone played it together, split into two teams, fighting to get the greased watermelon to their designated end of the pool.

For a relatively low-key day, it seemed to fly by, and before they knew it, they were eating dinner and sitting in front of the outdoor firepit. The wine flowed freely, and after Tucker and Carson went to bed, the conversation quickly turned to a mature topic. Robert and Addison left shortly after that, leaving the five remaining Woods children, Alycia, Clarke and Kennedy’s friends.

Clarke quickly got off her rocker once Robert and Addison left, dragging Lexa off hers as well as she took the seat on the outdoor couch that the older couple had just vacated. She sat with her legs extended down the length of the couch and made Lexa sit between her legs, her back to Clarke’s front. Clarke could have blamed the Cabernet for her actions as she wrapped her arms around Lexa, and Lexa leaned back comfortably into her embrace, but she was past that point.

If she was going to place blame, it wouldn’t be on the wine. She could place it on green eyes, hundreds of handwritten letters, a voice over the phone, hands on a piano, a drive across the island, a boat ride or on the way green and blue mix to form the most beautiful color, but she didn’t. If she was going to place blame, it was going to be on the fact that she was, and would always be, eternally in love with Alexandria Ophelia Woods.

“You guys are actually so gross,” Kennedy laughed, pointing out the position Clarke and Lexa were currently in.

“Oh please,” Lexa scoffed, subtly twisting her fingers with Clarke’s. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you two sneaking off to go make out earlier.” She gestured between Kennedy and the friend that was sitting next to her.

“Wait what?” Tim gasped. “I totally missed that.”

“That’s because you’re completely oblivious to anything that even slightly resembles sexual tension,” his wife, Alycia, teased. “I literally had to kiss you to make you realize that yes, I was into you.”

The siblings all laughed, clearly all aware of Tim’s lack of observation skills.

“I think it’s pretty obvious why Tim didn’t have a date to his junior prom,” Carly interjected, causing the others to chuckle.

“If we’re airing dirty laundry tonight, how about we talk about the fact that both Carly and Mads have confided in me that they have boyfriends, but haven’t told anyone else.”

“What!” Kennedy exclaimed, looking between the two mentioned sisters. “Since when!?”

Carly and Maddie exchanged looks, both stood up and punched their brother on opposite arms. He cringed back. “All I was saying is that since Tuck probably has his girlfriend of the week, that Carson is the only Woods still on the market.”

“That’s not true,” Lexa interjected. “I’m not dating anybody.”

“You’re also not on the market,” Kennedy pointed out.

When Lexa didn’t refute Kennedy’s claim, Clarke instinctively pressed a kiss into Lexa’s hair. Lexa cuddled closer into her. Neither women realized what they were doing. It was just second nature.

“I guess the real question is though, are you two together and just not telling us, or are you like Tim and oblivious to the sexual tension between the two of you and the gross heart-eyes you giving each other?” Madeleine asked.

“How about we go back to making fun of Tim?” Lexa suggested. “Or better yet, have Maddie and Carly elaborate on these boyfriends of there’s.” Lexa’s words gained several nods from her siblings and Kennedy’s friends.

Maddie and Carly were quickly coerced into revealing all.

Kennedy and her friends were the next to leave, citing the fact that they clearly had some gossip to check up on. So the rising college-seniors left for the guest house. Next came Tim and Alycia.

“We’re going to have sex,” Alycia explained as they stood up. “I feel like I need to clarify it not for you all, but for Tim. Because he can be oblivious at times, as we’ve learned.”

Clarke laughed along with the other remaining family members as Tim’s face turned red.

Alycia kissed him and pulled him away, “Don’t be embarrassed sweetie. After all, once we give your dad his first grandkid, we’re totally going to be the favorites.”

Maddie and Carly left together after they finished the last bottle of wine, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone. Neither of them made a move to get up. In fact, Lexa snuggled closer into Clarke’s embrace and looked up at her as she spoke. “I don’t want this weekend to end.”

“Me neither,” Clarke agreed. Clarke watched as Lexa’s eyes shifted from her’s to something behind her. “What is it?” she asked.

“Celebrities are supposed to be wild and crazy, always doing the unpredictable and acting reckless. Right?”

“I suppose,” Clarke narrowed her gaze. “Not all celebrities though, you’re not exactly the reckless type.”

“Tonight, I think I might be,” she spoke so sincerely that it sent a shiver down Clarke’s spine. Clarke was about to ask what she meant when the brunette suddenly stood up off her lap and ran across the grass towards the pool.

As soon as Lexa stood up off her, Clarke stood as well. She watched as Lexa stood at the edge of the pool.

“Come on!” Lexa yelled to her.

Clarke hustled across the grass to her and the moment she hit the slate bordering the pool, Lexa looked at her with a mischievous glint in her eyes. She then jumped into the pool.

Moments later, Lexa resurfaced, laughing. She brushed her wet hair out of her face and grinned at Clarke while treading water. “The water is great, get in,” she insisted.

“You literally just jumped in the pool in all your clothes because you wanted to be a reckless celebrity?” Clarke scoffed.

“No, I jumped in because I’m happily tipsy and the water looked nice.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but in her head she’d already agreed to join Lexa in the water. “Close your eyes.”

Surprisingly, Lexa easily complied. Clarke then shed her shirt and shorts so that she was standing in only her bra and panties, not wanting to get all her clothes wet. She knew that there wasn’t much of a difference between her underwear and a bikini, but Clarke still felt like asking Lexa to close her eyes was a good idea. With Lexa’s eyes still closed, she cannonballed into the pool, landing just next to Lexa, soaking her with her splash.

The moment Clarke resurfaced, Lexa splashed her with water. So Clarke had to return the favor. For several moments the two women treaded water as they splashed each other until their legs started to tire.

“Let’s go to the shallow end where we can stand,” Clarke suggested.

“Okay,” Lexa nodded before wrapping her arms around Clarke’s neck from behind, demanding a piggyback ride through the water. “Full speed ahead!”

Clarke laughed as she swam breaststroke with Lexa on her back until they got to a place where they could both stand. They continued to laugh until Lexa hopped off Clarke’s back and the two faced each other, Lexa’s hands on Clarke’s shoulders, Clarke’s on Lexa’s waist. They stopped laughing at the same moment, when their eyes met for a brief moment before drifting to one another’s lips.

“I don’t know if I can do this any longer,” Clarke spoke, her mouth moving before her brain had the chance to tell it not to. “I don’t know if I can just be your friend anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, her voice dropping dangerously low. Dangerous in the fact that it caused Clarke’s panties to begin to grow wet from something other than the chlorinated water.

“I mean that I’ve fucked up a few times in the past few years, I’ve run away from my problems, but I can’t run away from you,” Clarke explained. “I don’t even know if I deserve it, but I’m still in love with you Lexa.”

There was a moment of silence and Clarke focused on the green eyes in front of her. She waited to see the mask fall over them. She waited for Lexa to retreat into herself. But she didn’t. She continued to look at Clarke as if she were made of the purest thing on Earth. A look Clarke wasn’t sure she deserved.

Clarke felt Lexa’s hands leave her shoulders and she expected the brunette to pull away. Instead though, Lexa placed her wet hands on either side of Clarke’s face. Without a word, she tentatively pressed her lips to Clarke’s.

It was a short, chaste kiss. It didn’t matter though. Nothing mattered. All that mattered was that the feeling of Lexa’s lips against her’s didn’t feel new and exciting. She didn’t feel fireworks. Her heart rate didn’t speed up. The kiss wasn’t the kind people write stories about. It wasn’t what Clarke was expecting.

It was better.

Clarke didn’t feel fireworks, but she felt warmth, spreading throughout her body. She felt safety and familiarity. As Lexa’s lips glided against hers, her heartbeat steadied, falling in sync with Lexa’s. The kiss wasn’t the kind people write stories about, because people like to read about firsts, they love the kind of excitement that comes from the unexpected. Nobody writes stories about a kiss that feels both familiar and safe at the same time. A kiss that felt inevitable in the fact that it told the story of a connection so pure, it could never die.

The kiss ended as quickly as it started and the women stared at each other.

“I don’t think we can be just friends either,” Lexa finally voiced her agreement. They both laughed, letting any tension that aimed to sneak its way into the situation fade away. “Come on, let’s get out of the water,” Lexa dragged Clarke to the closest stairs.

The two made their way to where Clarke had piled up her clothes, walking with barely an inch between them. When Clarke moved to pick up her shirt, she slipped with her wet feet on the grass and fell down with a laugh, pulling Lexa down with her.

Clarke was fully aware of the position they were currently in and she was sure Lexa was as well.

The first thing Lexa did was kiss the tattoo on Clarke’s ribs, the one with her lyrics on it. She then moved up Clarke’s body, kissing her collarbone, her chin, her nose and her forehead. She pulled away and looked down at Clarke.

Having had enough, Clarke pressed one hand onto Lexa’s back, tangling the other in her knotted brown hair. She pulled Lexa’s body flush to her, kissing her deeply. There was nothing tentative about their second kiss. It was passionate and steady and sure. It was a kiss that was deepened almost immediately after it was started. It was one that left them with bruised lips and heavy lidded eyelids.

“We should go inside before we catch a cold. You’re in wet clothes after all,” Clarke pointed out.

“It’s summer.”

“Summer colds are a thing. I think I would know, I’m a certified paramedic, remember?”

“I remember everything about you Clarke,” Lexa smiled. “I could never forget.” So Clarke kissed her again.

They finally managed to pull away from each other for long enough to stand up and walk back to the guest house, Clarke back in her dry clothes.

Once they were back in their room, they changed into dry under garments, facing away from each other as they did so. After they did so though, Clarke pinned Lexa against the dresser, running a hand down the brunette’s toned abs as their lips met again.

Together, they fell into Clarke’s bed. Once lying there, their kisses were long and slow, as if they had all the time in the world to do nothing more than just enjoy each other’s lips and the feeling that came from sliding them against each other’s.

They fell asleep not long after arriving back in their room. They’d done nothing further than kiss, but it was the way they slept that was the most intimate act of the night. Their faces were barely inches apart, limbs tangled to the point that an onlooker wouldn’t be able to pick out which limb belonged to who.

 

* * *

 

The next morning Clarke felt cold. She remembered immediately the position she’d fallen asleep and knew right away that Lexa was no longer in bed with her. She felt around for her anyway, eyes still closed.

“I’m here Clarke,” Lexa spoke. Clarke opened her eyes and saw that Lexa was sitting on the floor, pen and notebook in hand, leaning against the side table beside her. “I’m not going anywhere,” she stated, reaching up a hand to gently stroke Clarke’s face. Clarke realized that Lexa was sitting on the floor instead of the perfectly comfortable bed on the other side of the room so that she could be close to her. Lexa was staying, just like Clarke knew she would.

Clarke had been the runner recently. She wouldn’t run from Lexa though, she couldn’t. Not anymore. Not when she still needed to prove herself. It hadn’t escaped her notice that while she had told Lexa that she was still in love with her, Lexa had not explicitly returned the sentiment. It had been there in the way she softly kissed her, but she hadn’t spoken the words.

“I meant what I said last night,” Clarke spoke. “It wasn’t just the wine talking.”

“I know,” Lexa nodded, sniffling a bit. She then stood up as Clarke lifted the covers, allowing Lexa to slide into them with her. They held each other close.

“I want to try again.”

“I do too,” Lexa agreed, “but only if we agree that it has to be for the long haul. I can’t handle anything else. I need to know that you’re going to be here and stay here. And I promise to be here and stay here for you.”

“I promise.”

“Okay.” Lexa then pressed a kiss to Clarke’s lips.

Clarke frowned when Lexa pulled away. She watched the brunette’s nose twitch, then she sneezed. It happened so quickly that she wasn’t able to cover her mouth and nose in time, and a tiny drop of snot landed on Clarke’s cheek.

Lexa quickly brushed it away, muttering an apology, all the while trying not to laugh.

“Do you believe me now?” Clarke asked, arching her eyebrows with a smirk on her face. “Summer colds. They’re a thing.”

Lexa stuck her tongue out at the blonde in return and really there was nothing else Clarke could do other than catch it between her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...that happened....
> 
> ;)
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	8. Still Forgetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa goes on their (second) first date, Recho comes to visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a few days! i flew back to New York to see my family for my grandma's 90th birthday (happy birthday Memar!)  
> I think you'll like this one.

_February 14th 2021_   
_Clarke,_

_It’s been over nine months since I’ve written one of these. I’d be lying if I said that today being Valentine’s Day had nothing to do with the decision to write again. But it isn’t the only one. They finally allowed me back into the recording booth today. I’ve been given the okay to do two half-day sessions set about a week apart. I’m recording one of the songs I wrote when I was cooped up in bed after the surgery, it’s called “Still Forgetting.” I bet you can guess who it’s about._

_Harper has been asking to see the lyrics to the song if she has to wait to hear it, but I haven’t been able to show them to her yet. We’re not dating, Harper and I, but I don’t really know what we’re doing. We’ve hooked up a lot in the past year, but it’s not serious. Or at least, not for me. She’s a good friend, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not my girlfriend. Even if the press seems to think she is._

_Sometimes I wonder if she thinks we’re girlfriends, as well._

_I guess I don’t mind people thinking that we are. We hang out a lot and we have sex, but there isn’t that spark between us. The one that comes when you realize you’re going to fall in love with someone. I’ve only felt that twice before. With Costia and with you._

_It’s been nearly four and a half years since I’ve heard your voice. Since we first started writing these letters. We said we’d write them until we no longer loved each other, and it feels wrong to have stopped for nine months and started again. It feels wrong to be sort-of in a relationship with someone and be writing a letter to you. But you know what? It also feels SO right. I didn’t realize that I missed writing to you until I picked up my pen and started writing._

_Don’t get me wrong, I definitely needed that time, but being able to write to you about even the most mundane aspects of my life is something I’ve missed, even if I know you’re likely to never read any of my letters._

_Raven and Echo spent this weekend in New York; they just left a few hours ago. It was their Valentine’s Day getaway weekend. I totally crashed half their plans. Mostly because I needed an excuse to not have to do anything with Harper for the “holiday.”_

_Echo asked me where I saw myself in ten years. Her life has drastically changed in the past ten years, rising to fame in a girl band, leaving the band, getting married…and she wanted to know where I saw myself going._

_I told her I didn’t really know. I know that my singing career is at the very least going to have to slow down, but acting? I really enjoy it, and I could see myself really getting into it. I didn’t know what to say about my personal life though. Because I don’t see myself settling with Harper. I don’t really see myself with anyone anymore._

_Maybe I’ll just become an old cat lady._

_Although if Mila divorces Ashton and she decides to switch teams, all bets are off, because I’d totally be down for that (I can say that because I’ve never officially met her)._

_Yours Forever,_

_Lexa_

 

* * *

 

They didn’t talk about the new development in their relationship after they left the Woods house in the Hamptons. Lexa told herself that it was because they’d sort of already discussed it. She knew that they needed to talk more, but for the moment, she was happy to just hold Clarke’s hand as the blonde drove them back to the city.

She was content to let things be for the meantime though, knowing that Clarke wanted her for the long haul, as well, was enough for the time being. After Clarke dropped her off at her apartment, Lexa grabbed her suitcase from the back of the car and patted the dogs goodbye. She dragged her suitcase up onto the side walk and prepared to stick her head through the window to say goodbye to Clarke.

When she turned around, however, Lexa saw that Clarke had exited the car. “So, I’ll see you Wednesday, right?” Clarke asked. “Because you have your meeting tomorrow?”

“It’s just a press thing, but it’ll take all day. What were you thinking of doing Wednesday?” Lexa asked.

“Well, Raven and Echo get here Thursday, right?”

Lexa nodded.

“So we’ll be around them all weekend, so I was thinking we could spend some time alone, just the two of us. I want to take you on a date,” Clarke played with her fingers as she nervously looked up at the brunette.

“I’d like that,” Lexa smiled back, sharing in Clarke’s nervousness. She grabbed onto the handle of her suitcase, wanting something to do with her hands. “I’ll see you Wednesday then.”

“Can I…” Clarke trailed off. She took a step closer to the brunette. “I mean. Do I get a kiss goodbye?”

Lexa looked at the blonde, admiring the way she was biting her lip nervously. Spending the night with Clarke’s arms the night before had been the best night’s sleep Lexa had had in years. Kissing Clarke the night before had been the easiest and most natural thing in the world. Nothing had felt new about the entire situation, in fact it had felt natural. Like it was something that was supposed to happen, something she’d forgotten was second nature to her.

Lexa initiated the kiss by stepping even closer to Clarke and wrapping one hand around the back of her neck, fingers play with the curl at the nape of Clarke’s neck. Clarke’s arms were around Lexa’s body only moments later as their lips glided over one another’s.

Just as the kiss was becoming more heated, Lexa pulled away, not wanting to overdo it while they were standing on the sidewalk in the middle of the city.

“I’ll see you Wednesday,” she smiled. Clarke grinned in return and lazily waved to Lexa as she retreated into her building.

 

* * *

 

Tuesday morning, Lexa woke to notifications on her phone from nearly all her friends, but more importantly Anya. Apparently Clarke and Lexa hadn’t been alone while they’d been kissing on the sidewalk the day before, as the whole thing had been caught on video and after being sold to TMZ, the footage had been all over the internet.

Lexa didn’t care though. And her frame of mind was reassured when she saw a text from Clarke, one she’d received just moments before waking up.

> **Clarke** : I’m assuming you saw the news. I’m not sure what your feeling about it is, but assuming that since you didn’t pay any mind to the slight notice we got on your birthday, I’m assuming you’re okay with it? Also we totally didn’t even bother trying to hide, so this is kind of our fault.  
>  **Clarke** : And for the record, if you’re worried about how I’m handling it. I’m totally fine. Like I said before, I’m in this for the long haul. I know what that means.

If Lexa had been able to say the words she’d wanted to over the weekend with Clarke, she would have repeated them in response to her, but she hadn’t been. And she’d have to wait until she could say them to Clarke in person before she sent them over text. So instead, her response was more logical, more answering of Clarke’s questions.

> **Lexa** : If you’re okay with it, then so am I. I wasn’t planning on making any public statements about us yet, we definitely need to talk about that first, but I’m not going to deny anything either.

Luckily for Lexa, Anya had informed the press she was meeting with that day that Clarke was off limits, and they never asked her about the artist, something Lexa was grateful for.

It was a long day, and when Lexa fell into bed when she got home, she fell asleep almost immediately. But not before responding to two texts and sending off a tweet.

> **Clarke** : I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.  
>  **Lexa** : I miss you too.

 

> **Costia** : Just got back from India with our baby girl. I have to say that I’m excited about the two things we came home to. First, Clarke’s amazing mural. Second, the news that the two of you are together.  
>  **Costia** : So you’re welcome for that.  
>  **Lexa** : Let me know when I finally get to meet that baby girl of yours!  
>  **Lexa** : And thanks.

 

> **@AlexandriaWoods** : Congratulations to my two friends who just brought home their little girl!

 

* * *

 

 

Wednesday afternoon, Lexa was dressed for her date, not knowing what it would entail. Clarke had told her to dress casually, but that they would be inside so she may want to be prepared for air conditioning. As a result, she’d decided to dress in jeans and a loose, dark tank top.

Lexa was surprised when Clarke arrived right on time to pick her up. The blonde was notoriously late for things, so Lexa had no problem pointing out her promptness.

“I wasn’t expecting you for another twenty minutes at least,” Lexa teased as she let the blonde into her apartment.

“I told you five o’clock, didn’t I?” Clarke furrowed her brow.

“I’m just teasing,” Lexa laughed. “Let me just go grab my wallet, then we can go.”

“Nope,” Clarke insisted. “We’re going now, you don’t need your wallet. I’m treating for this date. Got it?”

“Whatever you say,” Lexa shook her head with a laugh as she led Clarke back out the door, locking it behind her.

While Clarke wouldn’t tell Lexa where they were going, she’d already cleared the destination with Gustus, as he was the one driving them there and staying for the singer’s protection. It wasn’t until they were already in the building out in Brooklyn that Lexa realized Clarke’s plans for the date.

“Bowling?” she asked, a grin wide on her face. Clarke nodded and Lexa hugged her. As a celebrity, Lexa hardly ever got the opportunity to participate in everyday activities such as bowling. She’d gone ice skating with Kennedy at Rockefeller Center two winters earlier, but other than that, had trouble convincing her friends to do something normal with her. It also didn’t help that Gustus didn’t want her in highly populated, unregulated areas for obvious reasons.

The neon-lit bowling alley, however, was well maintained and clearly one that was a bit pricier than most, resulting in a mostly empty alleyway where Lexa gathered they would not be interrupted. Lexa got the impression that Clarke must have done a fair bit of research on the place before deciding to take her there.

Clarke checked them in and picked up Lexa’s size eight shoes for her, the brunette watching as the freckled teenaged boy behind the counter did a double take as soon as he saw who Clarke was with. They finally made it to their lane, Gustus standing back to watch them from afar, and Lexa set up their names on the projector.

“What do you want your name to be?” Lexa asked. She hadn’t been bowling in years, but she remembered that people tended to make their names nicknames or something funny.

“Hmm,” Clarke tapped her chin with her finger. She then grinned and sat down on Lexa’s lap, taking control of the keyboard. Lexa tried to look around her to see what the blonde was typing, but Clarke blocked her view until she was finished and the names “Sky Girl” and “Commander” were registered in the system.

The sight of the nicknames made Lexa grin as she remembered the conversation they’d had the night of their engagement. The two had been lying naked in bed together, limbs intertwined, and of all things, they were discussing superheroes, and if they were to be one, what they would want their superpowers to be. Clarke had wanted flight, Lexa had wanted ninja skills. They’d then given each other their alter ego names. Clarke was Sky Girl and Lexa was The Commander.

Lexa was surprised to learn that Clarke was an incredible bowler.

“I see why you brought me here on our first date,” she spoke after Clarke rolled her second strike in a row. “You wanted to show off your swanky bowling skills.”

“Swanky? Really?” Clarke laughed. “I guess the real question though, is…is this our first date?”

“Yes. Swanky,” Lexa nodded affirmatively. “I guess it’s more our second first date. Unless, of course, you count last weekend. Or my birthday at the museum.”

“Your birthday wasn’t a date,” Clarke insisted.

“Even though you almost kissed me?” Lexa arched an eyebrow teasingly.

“You almost kissed me too!” Clarke gasped. “Wait…you knew I was about to kiss you, when we were at the planetarium?”

“Of course I did,” Lexa grinned in response, kissing Clarke’s cheek as if it were the most natural thing in the world as she grabbed a ball and took her stance at the start of their lane. “I always know when you’re about to kiss me.”

Lexa rolled her ball, landing it almost immediately in the gutter.

“Oh really?” Clarke asked. When Lexa turned around to answer the blonde, she found the girl waiting for her, immediately catching her off guard with a kiss. “Did you know that one was coming?”

“I’ll have to say you got me that time,” Lexa laughed in response. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and kissed her in return. “How about you use those swanky skills of yours and teach me how to bowl. We can even be all cutesy about it. You holding me from behind, your hand on mine as you show me how it goes?”

“Are you purposely playing badly so that I put my hands all over you?”

“It depends,” Lexa smirked. “Is it working?”

Clarke turned Lexa around so that her back was to Clarke’s front, Clarke’s hand resting on her hip. “Your first problem is that your stance is all wrong. You need to stand like this.” She then used her other hand to reposition Lexa’s hips.

Each time it was Lexa’s turn to roll her ball, Clarke would make sure she was positioned correctly and help her with her roll, even after the brunette seemed to get the hang of it.

As Lexa rolled the last roll of their second round, her foot accidentally slipped on the lane and she fell to the ground, taking Clarke down with her.

“This seems to keep happening to us,” Lexa remarked, remembering how they’d fallen together on Memorial Day after exiting the pool. Clarke kissed her neck in response.

Before they made any moves to stand up, Lexa withdrew her phone from her back pocket. She took a photo of the two of their legs lying straight in front of them with the bowling pins standing in the background. After getting Clarke’s approval, she then instagrammed the photo.

> **@AlexandriaWoods** : bowling and great times with Sky Girl

Knowing that Clarke’s instagram was set to private, she didn’t tag the blonde in the photo. It was only their feet, clad in bowling shoes, and legs that were the only visible parts of their bodies, but both women knew that the astute fan would know exactly who “Sky Girl” was.

Several hours later after beer and pizza at a nearby pizzeria, Gustus dropped Clarke off at her apartment.

“So every bone in my body is screaming at me to ask you to come inside. But if I do that, I know where that will lead. Or at least, I hope I know where it will lead. And I don’t want to go there that,” Clarke rambled. “Not that I don’t want you. I do. More than anything. But this was our first date and I’m trying to be all chivalrous.”

“Okay,” Lexa spoke back, smiling at the rambling girl. “I feel the same way.” She scooted over in the back seat of the car and crushed a stray blonde curl behind Clarke’s ear. “Goodnight Clarke.” She carefully pressed her lips against Clarke’s.

It was a chaste kiss, and short, but it was enough for now.

 

* * *

 

Raven and Echo arrived at Lexa’s apartment the following afternoon. She let them in, hugging Echo and awkwardly smiling at Raven until her best friend allowed her to hug her. She knew that physical contact was still something that Raven struggled with, but she made amazing strides in the years that they had been friends.

When they made their way into the living room before Raven started looking around corners, snooping, obviously looking for something. It took one look at Raven’s wife’s face for Lexa to realize what, or rather who, the other brunette was searching for.

“Clarke’s not here,” Lexa offered.

“Just checking,” Raven explained. “Since you’re dating again and all.”

“We’re not…” Lexa sighed, not sure of exactly what she and Clarke actually were. “She’s just…fuck I don’t even know.” If it were one of her siblings or Anya that was asking about Clarke, she would have tried to frame the sentence more eloquently, but Lexa had no problem being unsure around Raven. After all, the woman was her best friend. And she too had known what it was like to lose Clarke.

The main difference being, Lexa had lost Clarke over a mutual agreement to separate. Raven had had no say in the matter.

“She’s coming over for brunch tomorrow,” Lexa explained after Raven didn’t push her on her relationship. “How do you feel about that?”

“Fine,” Raven shrugged in response.

“Well that’s a lie,” Echo scoffed in response. Her terse response, however, was contrasted by the fact that she had sidled up alongside her wife and wrapped a reassuring arm around her. “The entire car ride here she was basically word vomiting. She has no idea how to feel.”

“Some wife you are,” Raven rolled her eyes. “Giving away all my secrets.”

“Are we about to have an argument? Because if we are, let’s make it good. The make up sex after big arguments keeps getting better and better.”

“Do I need to get earplugs while you stay here this weekend?” Lexa asked, actually serious in her question. On more than one occasion she’d woken up to the sounds of the couple going at it in her guest room.

“It might be a good idea,” Raven raised her eyebrows as she looked at Echo.

In recent weeks, Raven had been talking about her sex life more and more with Lexa. Lexa, of course, knew what that meant. Her friends had always had a healthy sex life, but there was some truth to what Echo had been saying about the fact that they had good make up sex. And they’d been having a lot of it according to Raven.

While the couple had decided to put off discussing having children, they were starting to reach the end of their three year contract, the one they’d made not long after getting married after arguing about having children. Echo wanted them. Raven didn’t. Raven didn’t feel comfortable around small children. She didn’t feel responsible enough.

“You guys are gross,” Lexa scoffed.

“I’m sure you and Clarke are just as bad now that you’re back together.”

“We haven’t had sex yet,” Lexa admitted.

Echo and Raven immediately devolved into laughter, not believing her. Lexa huffed and walked away, leaving them to fend for themselves while she went in search of her phone so that she could confirm when Clarke would arrive the next morning.

 

* * *

 

While Raven slept in, Echo and Lexa prepared breakfast. Lexa was in the middle of flipping a pancake while Echo was cutting fruit when Echo dropped the bomb, causing Lexa to nearly drop the pancake onto the stove.

“Raven and I decided to adopt.”

“Wait, wh-what?” Lexa gasped.

“We don’t know how long it’s going to take, but we’re adopting. Hopefully an older kid. We decided on a kid older than seven,” Echo clarified. “We decided about a week ago, but with everything between you and Clarke, Raven didn’t want to tell you about it yet. I told her to tell you, but knowing her, she’d wait until the minute before we’re leaving. So I’m telling you instead.”

“That’s amazing!” Lexa grinned, her smile warm and genuine.

“What’s amazing?” Raven asked, yawning as she entered the kitchen, dressed in a t-shirt and no pants.

“The fact that you decided to adopt,” Lexa responded. “But what’s not so amazing? The fact that you didn’t tell me.” She then glared at her friend.

To Raven’s credit, she at least looked sheepish. “To be fair, I haven’t told anyone else yet. Not even O. I was planning on telling you though.”

“I know,” Lexa nodded.

“So what can I help with?” Raven asked, gesturing to the kitchen and the food that was being prepped.

“You can start making some eggs,” Echo gestured to the carton of eggs waiting on the counter.

About an hour after Raven woke up, the doorbell rang. Knowing who it was, Lexa decided that it was she who should answer the door.

“Hey,” Clarke grinned nervously as she stepped into the apartment.

“You look like you’re about to shit yourself,” Lexa deadpanned.

“Well I’m nervous about seeing my former best friend,” Clarke responded, her voice shaking. “What if I really fucked it up? What if I can’t fix it? What if she hates me forever?”

“Shhh,” Lexa spoke as she took Clarke into her arms, reassuringly rubbing her back. “Everything will be fine. I just know it. Now come on, let’s go see them.”

Lexa took Clarke’s hand and led her into the kitchen. Once inside the kitchen, they found Echo standing protectively beside her wife, standing on Raven’s bad side. Holding her hand. For all their problems, they were still a united front.

“Hey,” Clarke spoke, breaking the silence.

“Hi,” Raven responded. “I like your hair.”

Standing so close to Clarke, Lexa could see the blonde’s hand shake as she brought it up to her hair, hair that reached just above her shoulder.

“Thanks,” Clarke responded. “I like…your face.” Clarke then immediately slapped her hand on top of her own face. “Wow, I actually sound like an idiot.”

Moments later, the other three women broke out into laughter, the tension immediately broken. “So are you going to give me one of your famous Griffin hugs or what?” Raven asked, taking a step away from her wife and opening her arms.

Clarke laughed in return before giving in, enveloping Raven into a tight hug. Lexa felt almost like she was invading in the women’s privacy, hearing Clarke whisper into Raven’s ear, “I’m sorry I was an idiot.”

She heard Raven whisper in response, “It’s okay. We’re all idiots sometimes. I just missed you is all.”

“I missed you too,” Clarke responded as she pulled away.

“I missed you so much, your ex-fiancee and current girlfriend became my best friend,” Raven laughed. At the mention of the word ‘girlfriend’, Clarke and Lexa exchanged a glance. Behind them, Echo and Raven arched their eyebrows at one another knowingly.

It didn’t take long for the women to settle down for brunch, devouring the meal quickly before deciding to chat in the living room. Clarke and Lexa shared one couch while the married women shared another. Clarke related some stories from her time abroad, Lexa chiming in when Clarke forgot a detail she’d previously shared with her, while Raven and Echo announced their plans to adopt to Clarke, not mentioning the troubles they’d had while coming to that agreement.

When Echo offered to go make mimosas, Clarke immediately offered to help. As soon as they were out of the room, Raven stood up off her seat and took Clarke’s.

“Four months ago, my wife asked you where you saw yourself in ten years,” Raven spoke as she settled on the couch, feet propped up on Lexa’s lap. “Has anything changed?”

Lexa looked over at the blonde, standing beside the aforementioned woman, opening a champagne bottle while talking animatedly with her hands about something to do with her artwork and smiled. She watched the woman for a long moment before turning her gaze back to her best friend.

Her smile never dropped as she responded, “Everything.”

“So how long have you officially been back together for?” Raven asked.

“I’m not sure,” Lexa admitted. “I think our first date was my birthday. Clarke thinks it was this Wednesday. Though it could have been this past weekend at my parents’ house. But then again, if you’re wondering when it became inevitable that we were together again, I would even say it was the night she accidentally called me again.”

“You’re such a sap,” Raven rolled her eyes. “But you are official, right? Girlfriends and all?”

“I think so,” Lexa shrugged.

Raven rolled her eyes yet again before yelling so that the blonde in the kitchen could hear her, “Hey Clarkeface, is Lexa your girlfriend?”

Clarke appeared a moment later. She looked nervously at Lexa then shifted her gaze to Raven, then back again to Lexa. Lexa knew the exact thoughts going through the blonde’s head. She knew that Clarke wanted to repair her relationship with Raven before getting too far in deep with Lexa, even if it was already too late for that. She also had a feeling that Clarke knew that Lexa had waited until Clarke had reached out to Raven before inviting her to the Hamptons, and effectively inviting her back into her private life.

Clarke and Lexa could never be together while Clarke didn’t have a relationship with Raven. Lexa knew that and she knew that Clarke knew that.

So while Clarke looked nervously between the two women she’d lost, hoping that she’d gained them back, Lexa smiled and responded in place of the blonde. “Yes,” she nodded, causing both brown and blue eyes to revert to her. “Yes, I’m Clarke’s girlfriend. Clarke is my girlfriend.”

The look of relief on Clarke’s face made it all worth it. All the uncertainty and waiting, it was all worth it. And she knew in that moment that the words she had been waiting to say would come to her if she decided to speak them, and she’d speak them truthfully.

She owed it to Clarke and to herself though, to say them in private. So while the four women got day drunk together, eventually falling asleep, Raven and Echo opting for the guest room bed for ease with Raven’s leg while Clarke and Lexa snuggled together on the couch, one phrase kept repeating through Lexa’s head. I’m in love with Clarke Griffin.

 

* * *

 

_I’ll put that pen to paper yet again_   
_I’ll find a way to forget_   
_Gonna get there yet_   
_Because that smile_   
_That laugh_   
_The way I felt_   
_I’m still forgetting_

_\- Still Forgetting (2021)_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 to go  
> :)
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	9. Love From Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a date and sexy time and holy fuck this one may hit you in the feels (it's all fluff)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that this would be up yesterday, but if I had published it yesterday, a certain scene at the end wouldn't have made it in

_October 3rd 2020_   
_Lexa,_

_This morning, Liam Forest was christened and I stood beside his happy parents, his godmother, Lincoln’s brother-in-law as Liam’s godfather. He (Liam) is so small. He cried when the water was poured over his head. Apparently his older brother did the same, but I wasn’t there for that. Today was the first day I met Liam. And the first day I met his older brother, Matty._

_Matty is already over a year old and today was the first day I met him. My best friend’s kid and it took me a year to meet him. Matty takes after Lincoln, that much is obvious. He’s quiet and serious. Liam might not even be two months old, but I already can tell he’s going to give his parents trouble. He’s a little Octavia, I just know it._

_I asked them if they thought they’d have anymore kids. Lincoln said they weren’t sure. They want more, but they’re not sure if it’s worth the risk._

_Octavia had two miscarriages before Matty. I knew about them, but I did nothing. I stayed abroad, continued traveling. I called her, of course, and offered condolences. But did I fly home to be with her? No. Should I have? Yes._

_I’ve only been back in the USA a week and already I can tell that I may have fucked up a bit. I shouldn’t have stayed away as long as I did. Now that I’m back I’ve realized that I can’t stay here in D.C. This was the town I went to college in and the place I had my first job. I had always thought I’d live in D.C. forever, but then I moved to New York. And I loved it._

_Sure, you were a large part of why I loved New York, but I loved the city as well. And I think that’s where I need to be._

_Love From Linctavia’s Guest Room,_

_Clarke_

 

* * *

 

It had been three weeks since Raven and Echo had come to visit. Two weeks since Lexa had called Clarke her girlfriend. With Lexa’s upcoming recording sessions around the corner, she had been nonstop meeting with doctors and traveling a bit for press. Clarke had been commissioned for a few new pieces after Baby Crewe’s bedroom had been featured in People magazine. Though they’d spent a few hours together here and there, Clarke and Lexa hadn’t had any alone time together since Raven and Echo’s visit. Finally, though, they were having a night alone together.

That was the plan anyway. But as plans are tend to go, they didn’t go as planned.

Everything started out as planned. Lexa had decided it was her turn to take Clarke on a date and had opted to try out Ninja, the restaurant the young girl had mentioned at the museum on Lexa’s birthday. At first Lexa had mentioned that she was worried that the restaurant would be a bit touristy, resulting in an evening that wasn’t private for them, but luckily that was not the case.

Once they arrived at the restaurant and took the elevator downstairs, they were led down a long corridor. When a ninja jumped out in front of them, Clarke screamed and latched onto Lexa. Lexa laughed, but when Clarke started to move away from the brunette, Lexa wrapped an arm around her, keeping her close, kissing the top of her head.

The ninja then offered to lead them to their table. Their table wasn’t just a table, however, but rather a space that was given the appearance of a hut. The table itself was enclosed by three walls and a sliding door. Clarke didn’t know much about samurai-era Japan, but the hut appeared to be have the stereotypical theme to it. Maybe it was a bit cheesy, but it was unique, Clarke had never seen a restaurant like it.

After their drinks arrived and they ordered dinner and were left alone in their little underground hut, Clarke took the initiative to get up from her side of the table and scoot in beside her girlfriend in the booth on the other side.

“Hey there,” Lexa laughed after she realized what Clarke was doing.

“I’ve missed you,” Clarke admitted. Even though the days they’d been apart they’d spoken on the phone, she’d missed Lexa’s physical presence. It reminded her of the first few months they’d been together the first time.

“I bet I missed you more,” Lexa teased back, kissing the tip of Clarke’s nose.

It wasn’t the first time that Lexa had said something to that same effect and it confused Clarke. Clarke had told Lexa she loved her almost a month ago, back in the Hamptons. She’d even repeated the sentiment a few times since then. Lexa had yet to say the words herself, but she had said things that told Clarke that she loved her, even if she refused to say the words. She just didn’t know why Lexa didn’t say the words.

“Even though Anya had made sure that no reporters asked me about you, I kept waiting for them to mention you. I think I wanted them to ask about you so that I had an excuse to talk about my amazing girlfriend.”

“Last time the world found out it was me you were dating, it wasn’t exactly by your choice,” Clarke pointed out. “This time, we haven’t exactly been secretive about it, but did you want to make an official announcement?”

The few times Clarke and Lexa had been out since the footage of them kissing had been released, paparazzi had snapped a few photos of them together, but neither had posted anything official on social media or elsewhere.

“I think it’s pretty obvious that we’re back together,” Lexa laughed. “You’re right, we haven’t been secretive at all. I guess I do kinda want to show the world this crazy awesome girl that I’m crazy in love with.” Lexa smiled at Clarke with honest eyes and it took Clarke a moment to register exactly what Lexa had said.

“Wait, what?” Clarke asked. She knew she probably sounded dumb, but she needed to hear Lexa repeat the words, just incase she’d been imagining them.

“I said that I love you,” Lexa chuckled. “And knowing you, you’ve probably been trying to figure out why I didn’t say it yet.” Clarke couldn’t help the sheepish look that crossed her face. “I needed to wait until everything was cleared up between you and Raven first. And then our schedules got crazy and I didn’t want to say it over the phone, and then three weeks passed, but that didn’t change anything. I do love you.”

“I love you too,” Clarke grinned back before she wrapped one hand behind Lexa’s neck and pulled her in for a long, lingering kiss.

Even after their food arrived, Clarke stayed on the same side of the table as Lexa. They sat as close as they possibly could without actually sitting on each other’s laps. And despite the fact that Lexa wasn’t the biggest fan of sharing food, she let Clarke picked from her plate, even feeding her a forkful of her dessert after she tasted how delicious it was.

The couple was just finishing their dessert when Lexa’s phone began to vibrate out of control.

“I thought I put it on silent,” she sighed as she picked it up, ready to ignore whoever was trying to get her attention.

“Who is it?” Clarke asked, leaning into Lexa’s shoulder. She didn’t really care too much about what was on the screen, she was using the interruption as an excuse to rest her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“It’s Kennedy,” Lexa responded.

“What did she say?”

“I can check later.”

“It’s your sister, you can read it,” Clarke laughed, gesturing to the woman’s phone.

“I could, but I’d rather focus on doing this,” Lexa tilted her head back and captured Clarke’s lips with hers.

Clarke used Lexa’s distraction to take the brunette’s phone out of her hand. She felt Lexa’s lips frown beneath hers before she pulled away to read the text.

> **Kennedy:** Just caught Emily cheating on me. Can I spend the night at your’s tonight? I really don’t want to go back to Westchester

“Oh no!” Clarke exclaimed after re-reading the text. She then started typing out a response on her girlfriend’s phone.

“Wait,” Lexa placed a hand on top of Clarke’s, eliciting a look of confusion from the girl. “I’m not saying I’m not sympathetic towards her, but we haven’t had much time together. I was really looking forward to us being…alone tonight..”

Though Lexa’s words sounded innocent, Clarke could see right through them. She could tell by the nervous way she fiddled with her hands and the way she very pointedly avoided looking at Clarke’s lips and breasts that her implication was anything but innocent in nature.

Before Clarke had a chance to respond, Lexa’s phone vibrated again.

> **Kennedy:** You won’t even know I’m there. I’ll stay in one of the guest rooms, silent as a mouse. You and Clarke can have all the sex you want.

Both Clarke and Lexa laughed out loud after reading Kennedy’s additional message.

Lexa sighed and looked at Clarke, the question in her eyes. “I do feel bad saying no. And I don’t like her taking the train home at night alone.”

“You’re totally the protective older sister, aren’t you?” Clarke teased. Lexa as a sister wasn’t something she’d had much experience with the last time they’d dated. Sure, Lexa had been starting a relationship with Kennedy and her siblings when they were engaged, but they were just at the beginning of it all. Lexa shrugged. “Text her back and tell her it’s fine then.” After a brief moment of thought Clarke added, “She’s staying in the guest room by the kitchen though.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Lexa chuckled back, pecking Clarke on the lips before responding to her sister.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived back at Lexa’s apartment, Kennedy had already let herself in and was drinking straight out of a bottle of Chardonnay. The bottle was already half empty.

“I see this is a bit more serious than you let on,” Lexa remarked, taking in the sight of her little sister, drinking wine out of the bottle while sitting on her kitchen counter.

“I mean Emily’s a slut, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised,” the girl shrugged.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Clarke asked. She watched as Kennedy’s eyes shifted between Clarke and her sister. Realizing that Kennedy probably preferred to speak to her sister alone, Clarke excused herself from the kitchen and wandered into the living room.

Clarke took a seat on a comfy couch, realizing that it was nothing like the one that had been in its place when she lived in the same apartment. She hadn’t yet spent much time at all in her old home and as she looked around, she saw that it wasn’t as modern looking as it once had been.

She also noticed that none of the paintings she’d painted hung on the walls anymore. She supposed she wasn’t surprised. When her phone vibrated in her pocked, Clarke wasn’t surprised to find that Raven had texted her. In the weeks since Raven and Echo’s visit, Clarke and Raven had both texted and spoken on the phone several times a week.

There relationship had suffered considerably, but they were working on it. They were fixing it, one call at a time. And they both knew it wouldn’t be long before they were calling each other their best friend again. It had intrigued Clarke to learn how close Raven and Lexa had become in the past five years, but she also wasn’t entirely surprised by it. They had similar personalities and a habit of trying to cover up the bad things that had happened to them.

> **Raven:** So how’d the date go? Was it terribly cheesy?

Clarke rolled her eyes at the text. She’d mentioned to Raven that Lexa was taking her out and by her text, gathered that Lexa had filled her in on the details of the date.

> **Clarke:** Not cheesy at all. It was perfect.  
>  **Raven:** So it was hella cheesy then?

Clarke knew that whatever she said, Raven would still accuse Lexa of planning the cheesiest of dates.

> **Clarke:** You’re going to have to work on your language for when you’re a mom  
>  **Raven:** Who knows when that’ll be though? We’ve filed all the paperwork and while we don’t have any age or gender preference (other than the minimum age), there’s no telling when it’ll happen.  
>  **Raven:** But back to you, are you finally going to get laid tonight?

Just as Clarke was about to respond to Raven’s text, an Instagram notification came through. Her profile was still on private, so the only notifications she got were from people she actually knew and allowed to follow her.

The notification read, “@AlexandriaWoods has tagged you in a photo.”

Curious, Clarke opened the app, her heart leaping into her throat as she took in the photo and read the caption.

The photo was one that Clarke had never seen before, but nevertheless, she recognized it. The photo was of herself and Lexa, Lexa sitting between her legs. Clarke’s arms were wrapped around the brunette, holding her close. They both had a hint of small smiles on their faces as Lexa looked up at Clarke and Clarke looked down at her. She knew from the angle that it must have been a photo Kennedy had taken that night Memorial Day weekend when they’d all been sitting together around the fire by the pool.

> **@AlexandriaWoods:** I’d color you green, you’d paint me blue, but together we’re cyan. I love you Clarke

Clarke took the Instagram as a sign that Lexa’s conversation with Kennedy was not only over, but had gone well. She then quickly responded to Raven’s text before hustling into the kitchen.

> **Clarke:** Yes. Yes I am.

The moment she entered the kitchen, Clarke sped walked over to Lexa, who was standing pretty much where Clarke had left her. She placed a hand behind Lexa’s neck, catching her off guard, before pulling her into a searing kiss.

Kennedy wolf whistled.

“Since I know being honest about intentions is kind of a thing in your family, I’m just letting you know that I’m about to go have sex with your sister,” Clarke announced. kennedy howled with laughter and Lexa smiled despite her cheeks growing red.

Without another word, Clarke dragged her girlfriend out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Neither woman could control themselves, attached lips to skin, pausing only briefly as they made there way to the bedroom.

The first thing Clarke noticed when she opened the door to the room was a faint musty smell. She then noticed that the room didn’t appear lived in. She faltered slightly, something Lexa immediately caught onto.

“I haven’t slept in this room since the last night I was here with you,” Lexa explained, much to Clarke’s surprise. “I moved into one of the old guest rooms. It’s not like I don’t have enough of them.”

“Do you want to…” Clarke gestured to the door, wondering if Lexa would rather they go to Lexa’s new bedroom.

“No,” Lexa strongly shook her head. “You’re here now and this is our bedroom. Ours.”

Clarke fell a little bit more in love with Lexa in that moment. The word “ours” never sounded better. Because even after everything, they still had something tangible together. They had a future.

The thought that had been trying to push its way into Clarke’s mind all night long finally made its way through. And she didn’t even try and push it away. She didn’t care what it took, no matter what she had to do or how long it took. She WAS going to marry Lexa. She WAS going to spend the rest of her life with her.

Clarke didn’t let the thought stall her, but rather it propelled her. She pulled Lexa in tight and kissed her, all the while unbuttoning the girl’s shirt. She pushed it off Lexa’s shoulders before she made work unbuttoning the girl’s pants. With Lexa in only her bra and panties, Clarke then led her over to the bed.

As they made their way to the bed, Lexa took Clarke’s arm and kissed her way up it before spinning the blonde around and unzipping her dress, kissing her way down the girl’s spine as soon as bare flesh was revealed.

Clarke was kissing Lexa’s shoulder when Kennedy tweeted:

> **@KennyWoods:** That awkward moment when you’re eating Ben and Jerry’s and you can hear you sister getting laid #ThirdWheel

Lexa’s fingers were dragging down Clarke’s spine when Clarke received a text from Raven:

> **Raven:** we just got a call about a kid and i’m freaking. but i’m also hella excited. is that weird?

Clarke’s fingers burned into Lexa’s hips when Costia instagramed a photo:

> **@CostiaCrewe:** #tbt to New Year’s Eve 2016 with @AlexandriaWoods and @Griffsters #somethingsneverchange

The photo Lexa had instagramed of the two women reached a quarter million likes at the same moment Clarke first pressed her lips to Lexa’s clit. It reached half a million likes when Lexa was three fingers deep inside the blonde as the woman’s walls pulsed around her fingers.

They were on round three by the time Anya figured out why her phone was going crazy and email blowing up from reporters asking for details on Clexa.

And by the time #ClexaIsBack started trending world wide, Clarke and Lexa both lay sweaty and naked in the sheets that had borne witness to their tears, sweat and dreams alike, limbs entangled, souls intertwined.

The world moved on around them, but neither saw a single tweet, text or Instagram that night.

 

* * *

 

Clarke woke before Lexa the next morning. Unlike when the same happened in the Hamptons, Clarke now knew the reason. Lexa was still on medicine from her surgery and it often made her drowsy, preventing her from waking up at the crack of dawn like she used to like to do.

The blonde used the time alone awake to first check her phone. She found thousands of follow requests on her Instagram and Twitter, and opted to turn her profiles public. Looking over at Lexa sleeping peacefully, she then snapped a few photos, deciding to wait for the singer’s approval before posting them to social media.

Clarke knew exactly what she wanted to do next. She carefully got out of bed and found a robe in the bathroom before walking down the hallway, not wanting to run into Lexa’s sister while in the nude. When she opened the door to her former art studio, she wasn’t at all surprised to find it untouched from the last time she’d been there.

She grabbed an old sketchpad an pencils before returning to their room. She refused to think of it as anything other than their room after learning that Lexa had always thought of it as the same. Clarke remembered the way Lexa had sat at her side the morning after their second first kiss, she remembered how safe and cared for it made her feel.

So she did the same for Lexa.

Clarke carefully shed her robe and climbed back into the bed with Lexa, sitting up in the bed beside her. She smiled as Lexa snuggled closer to her while still asleep, resting her head on Clarke’s naked lap and wrapping an arm around her.

Before Clarke set about sketching her lover’s sleeping form, she wrote. She wrote the first letter she’d written since April 24th.

 

* * *

 

_Lexa,_

_I spent nearly five years trying to forget you and trying to fall out of love with you. In some ways I succeeded, or I moved on at least. A bit._

_People talk about the adventure and excitement that comes with falling in love with someone for the first time. They talk about learning about the other’s little quirks, like the way they can’t eat with their hair down, or the way they hum under their breath when they think no one is watching._

_Six years ago I fell in love with a voice on the phone. Then I fell in love with the person that voice belonged to. It was just as exciting as people talk about. I fell in love with you, and you became my best friend._

_It was thrilling and an adventure full of excitement, the first time I fell in love with you. It fit the fantasy romance people write love stories about. Then it ended._

_The end was tragic and horrible, but a mutual decision. It broke me, but also gave me a chance to grow. It gave me the opportunity to find you again._

_Do you know what was even better than the excitement that came from falling in love with you for the first time? Falling in love with you this time. Because this time I earned a best friend. I already knew many of your quirks and I learned the rest, but it wasn’t an adventure full of mystery and excitement. It was something better than that._

_I had kept you with me these past five years, written to you even though I wasn’t sure you’d ever read the letters. And you’d kept me with you as well. You let me back into your life, and me into yours. And we gave each other back those five lonely years._

_The difference between falling in love, then having that person become your best friend, and falling in love with your best friend is quite simple actually. The first is fun and exciting, the second is more comfortable. Falling in love with your best friend is like finally coming home._

_Love From Home,_

_Clarke_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dying from all the fluff yet? Two more to go!  
> Let me know what you think of the chapter :D
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com  
> (feel free to talk to me about this fic, any of my others or try and convince me to reveal info on my new fic that I'll start publishing after this one is done - spoiler it may be a sort-of soulmate fic)


	10. Cyan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke's birthday in Italy and their six month anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the only thing i'm going to say here is that you'll find some similarities in this chapter to chapter 29 of Strangers on the Phone...

_April 25th, 2021_   
_Clarke,_

_Five years ago today I asked you to marry me. I think that may have been the happiest day of my life. It makes me wonder, going forward, if I will always regard April 25th, 2016 as the happiest day of my life. Will this date of happiness always be marred with our failed relationship? When I look back on my happiest moments, will I really be able to remember how happy I was in that moment? Or will I just remember that day as being the beginning of the end? How I we couldn’t move forward with our lives together._

_Okay, I’m done with the terribly depressing thoughts now. Today’s date just got me thinking. Have you ever had that feeling that things are about to change? Have you ever woken up and had the feeling that something is going to happen that’ll change everything? That you’re standing on the precipice of something new?_

_It happened to me this morning. It was the oddest experience. Obviously, it’s nothing. Probably nothing more than the bitter reminder of what today was to us. Or maybe I’m just coming down with something, I’m not sure._

_Anyway, I’m about to go meet Kennedy for lunch. The goal is to get out of there without her managing to convince me to celebrate my birthday. I WILL stand strong against her._

_Love Always,_

_Lexa_

 

* * *

 

Summer ended as suddenly as it started, fall creeping quickly over the city. They finished reading each other their letters before the Fourth of July. Lexa finished recording her album, teasing Clarke about the two additional songs she added at the last minute. Wanting to keep them a secret for a little while longer.

September came with an early fall and Lexa took Clarke to Italy for her thirty-first birthday. Clarke showed her all the places she visited when she was there, then Lexa took her to vineyards and castles that Clarke had dreamed of seeing.

It was more of a birthday week than a birthday. Clarke had insisted on having dessert every night of the trip, usually chocolate. Then a few hours later, a different kind of dessert.

It was the last night of their trip, Clarke’s actual birthday, when Lexa finally decided it was time to give the girl her birthday present.

“It’s about time,” Clarke rolled her eyes as they sat in the hotel room on the king sized bed in silk robes, chocolate covered strawberries sitting on a tray between them.

“You do realize that today is your actual birthday and THAT’S why I waited, right?” Lexa asked.

“It’s been my birthday all week,” Clarke asserted in response.

“Whatever you say, Birthday Princess,” Lexa rolled her eyes. She pecked Clarke’s cheek before getting off the bed.

“Where are you going?” the blonde pouted.

“To get your present,” Lexa responded. The response seemed to be well accepted by Clarke, as she nodded and chewed on a chocolate covered strawberry as Lexa snuck into the closet to retrieve part of her gift.

One of the many advantages of being a celebrity was that Alexandria never worried about the inconvenience of traveling with multiple pieces of luggage. She had a bodyguard to help her and was always traveling in a private car, she never had to worry about public transportation. It made bringing her guitar with her a lot easier.

“You got me your guitar?” Clarke laughed when Lexa returned. Lexa smiled and kissed the chocolate off the side of Clarke’s mouth as the girl realized what exactly her present was. “You wrote me a song?!” she exclaimed.

“I’ve written you many songs,” Lexa admitted. It was the truth. Just as Clarke was an artist who often used Lexa as her muse, Lexa was an artist whose muse was the blonde smiling brightly in front of her.

She’d spent much of the summer recording her new album, “Beyond the Bars,” and while she’d finished writing all but two of the songs before Clarke came back into her life, she was in several of the others. The album, which would be out in two months, focused a lot on dealing with the fact that her singing career was now completely different. It was her dealing with the potential loss of something she loves.

In the song “Funeral for a Lover,” she compared the break-up of her engagement to fearing losing her career. “Morning Came,” was about ruining a friendship with sex, her friendship with Harper. “Mom,” was a song dedicated to her step-mother, “Forgive Me,” was inspired by Echo and Raven’s relationship.

The two late additions to the album, whoever, were just about Clarke. About letting her back into her life, learning to love again and being with the missing piece of the puzzle. The first song she’d written was “Strangers Don’t Write Love Letters”. It was a song about reconnecting.

The second one was the first one Lexa sang for her girlfriend, sitting on a hotel bed in Italy. It was an acoustic song, something that made it stand apart from most of the other songs on the albums. “Cyan” was THE love song on the album.

Lexa began to strum her guitar, tuning it quickly before delving right into the song without a second thought. She had no reservations about the song, she knew it was good. And she knew Clarke would love it. Her voice was a little hoarser than how it had been the first time she had sung to the blonde, thanks to her surgery, but somehow the hoarseness fit the song well.

By the time she got to the bridge, Lexa could see that Clarke’s eyes were tearing up. She had to look away from the girl’s blue eyes, knowing that if she kept looking at them, she’d falter in her playing and singing. Instead, she focused on Clarke’s hands and the way she fiddled with her thumbs while she listened.

“ _We were artists, we were muses. We were lights in each other’s darkness. I’d color you green and you’d paint me blue. But together, we’re cyan,_ ” she sang the words she’d first written the day after calling Clarke her girlfriend again for the first time.

She finished the song, the last words slowly fading out, “ _Cyan was proof enough, proof enough that love was not weakness._ ”

There was a moment of silence after Lexa stopped singing. She placed the guitar beside her and looked up at Clarke. The blonde’s eyes were not just tearing, but tears had also fallen down her cheeks.

“Hey don’t cry,” Lexa spoke, leaning forward to wipe the tears off her girlfriend’s face.

Clarke leaned into Lexa’s touch as a smile broke out onto her face. “It’s my birthday, I can cry if I want to.” Lexa laughed along with Clarke and let the blonde pull her closer into a tight hug. “I think that may have been my favorite birthday present,” she whispered into Lexa’s ears.

About an hour later, Lexa sang “Strangers Don’t Write Love Letters,” to Clarke, then gave her a pair of yellow diamond earrings.

Clarke maintained that the songs were her favorite present.

 

* * *

 

After they returned from Italy, Lexa focused on getting ready for the release of “Beyond the Bars.” When the album came out, she was constantly being interviewed for magazines, the web and radio stations. She made sure that Anya scheduled as much of it to be out of New York as possible. When she did have to travel out of state, however, Clarke would come with her unless she was in the middle of a project. On the rare occasions when both women were free of obligations, they found themselves venturing outside of the city, either to Westchester to visit Lexa’s family, or to D.C. to see Octavia, Lincoln and their sons or Raven and Echo and their newly adopted eleven-year-old son, Ryder as well as Abby.

It wasn’t the perfect relationship, no relationship was. They were happy almost the whole time though. Their arguments were usually petty and it wasn’t uncommon for them to take to social media after a particularly petty argument, something fans found hilarious. They never mentioned each other in the posts, always subtweeting each other. But everyone knew who the other was talking about.

@AlexandriaWoods: My girlfriend’s dog decided to use my brand new Louboutins as a chew toy.  
@Griffsters: I’m not sick. It’s allergies. Don’t glare at me when I try and steal food off your plate.  
@AlexandriaWoods: No, I will not wear that for Halloween just because you think fruits are sexy.  
@Griffsters: My girlfriend thinks it’s weird that I’m giving her sister sex advice. I think my girlfriend is weird.

Before they knew it, it was December and it was their six month anniversary. They’d both made sure that they would have that weekend alone together, putting off all other engagements, deciding to stay in the city together.

They still had two apartments, but they only ever spent nights apart when their jobs forced them to. Though they spent some time at Clarke’s, they spent most of their nights at Lexa’s. The dogs had supplies at both apartments and stayed wherever the couple did.

The night of their six month anniversary, they went out to dinner at some snooty restaurant. Halfway through their entrees, they decided to ask for the bill. Half an hour later they found themselves laughing over milkshakes at a small diner where they talked to each of the fans that came up to them.

@Bananas4Clexa: MET MY OTP IRL AND I’M OFFICIALL #DEAD  
@NYCSpotted: Alexandria and Clarke Griffin like milkshakes like the rest of us #Clexa #celebspotting

With bellies aching from their large milkshakes, they made their way back to Lexa’s apartment. They quickly took the dogs out for a walk, allowing them to go to the bathroom outside, but making their way to their bedroom.

It was their bedroom now. Lexa had moved out of her other room and Clarke had her own drawers in the room so that she never had to worry about packing an overnight bag.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” Lexa asked, after they were cuddling naked, a thin sheen of sweat covering them both.

“I was thinking we could go to Polis and hang there for a little while,” Clarke suggested.

“We haven’t been back there since we finished reading our letters,” Lexa pointed out. She actually felt bad that she hadn’t been back, the place had been like a second home to her while she wrote most of “Beyond the Bars”.

“Actually, I found a letter that we missed,” Clarke spoke, kissing the spot above Lexa’s heart.

“Really?” Lexa asked, confused. “I thought we read them all.”

“It must have gotten lost in the mix,” Clarke shrugged.

“Let’s go to Polis tomorrow then,” Lexa nodded, pulling Clarke closer to her. Within minutes they were both asleep.

 

* * *

 

The next morning they stopped for coffee on their way to Polis Books, bringing an extra coffee for Vera. After they caught up with the bookstore’s owner, Lexa and Clarke made their way to the back room.

They first snuggled on the couch together, just talking, as they drank their coffees. There was a fire roaring in the fireplace opposite them and it was the perfect winter day. As they lay there together, all Lexa could think about was how perfect her life was.

It was perfectly imperfect.

She had an amazing, growing, film career. She’d just released an immensely successful album, and though she had a few concerts in the upcoming months, she knew that her voice was getting bad again, and that she may never release another album again. She had a family. An at times dysfunctional family, but a family nonetheless. A family that wasn’t just made of blood either, but of friends as well.

She had a girlfriend. A fucking fantastic girlfriend. A girlfriend she loved so much that sometimes it hurt to think about.

Lexa was lost in thought when Clarke shifted away from her. She frowned and reached out, wanting to pull the warmth of her girlfriend’s body back to her.

“Calm down,” Clarke laughed at her as she pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. “I was just getting the letter out.”

“Oh,” Lexa responded, feeling silly for not realizing that in the first place.

Instead of returning to Lexa’s arms, Clarke turned on the couch to face Lexa as she read from the letter.

“Wait, was that not in an envelope?” Lexa asked, “Is that why it got misplaced?

“Shh,” Clarke pressed a finger to her girlfriend’s lips. “Just let me read.”

Lexa pouted, but nodded. Her ears perked as Clarke began to read, the date being the first thing that caught her attention. The date that didn’t fall into the timeline of the letters.

“June twenty-eighth, twenty-twenty-one. Dear Lexa. I spent nearly five years trying to forget you and trying to fall out of love with you,” Clarke began. Clarke’s voice was like velvet as she spoke, pulling Lexa in. Lexa didn’t want her to ever finish reading, but she did. “The difference between falling in love, then having that person become your best friend, and falling in love with your best friend is quite simple actually. The first is fun and exciting, the second is more comfortable. Falling in love with your best friend is like finally coming home. Love From Home, Clarke.”

Lexa noticed Clarke’s hands shaking slightly, so after the blonde finished reading, Lexa took one of her shaking hands and held it, lifting it to her lips. “That was beautiful Clarke,” she paused and kissed Clarke’s hand, eyes never leaving Clarke’s face.

She didn’t see the way Clarke dropped the paper to her lap and her free hand slipped out of view.

“You’re my home as well,” she agreed.

“I want you to be my home forever,” Clarke spoke. Lexa noticed the way the woman’s voice shook slightly, but she didn’t pay it much mind. “I want it all. I want to annoy you by stealing food off your plate when I’m sick. I want my dogs to be our dogs. I don’t want designated drawers, I want our clothes mixed together in a closet. I want lazy days. I want days where I visit you on set and days where I make you sit for hours as my model. I want to be your muse for the rest of our lives and I want you to be mine.”

Lexa grinned at Clarke, she grew confused when Clarke pulled her hand away from her. Her confusion was short lived, however.

“I know we tried this once before, but I think. No. I KNOW it will be different this time,” Clarke insisted.

The blonde then shifted to reveal that she was no longer holding the letter that had been written on sketchpad paper. Instead, she was holding a ring. A delicate, diamond ring. A ring Lexa didn’t even get a chance to look at properly before she looked back up at Clarke in shock.

“Lexa. Alexandria. Love of my life. My stranger on the phone. Will you marry me?”

Lexa’s answer was immediate. “Yes,” she nodded with certainty. She let Clarke slide the ring on her finger before she leapt across the couch at her, pulling her into a searing kiss.

They left the bookstore not long after, knowing that if they stayed, they wouldn’t be able to keep their hands off each other and didn’t want to subject Vera to seeing that.

There was no public announcement of their engagement, but everyone found out nevertheless. Lexa was photographed wearing her ring, and once they picked out Clarke’s ring, she was photographed as well. It also helped that they referred to one another as their fiance on social media. There was no official tweet to break the record Alexandria held from the last time they got engaged. That record wouldn’t be broken for another year and a half.

Alexandria Ophelia Woods was engaged to Clarke Elizabeth Griffin for one year, five months, two weeks and four days.

They DID marry.

****

_We were artists_   
_We were muses_   
_We Were lights in each other’s darkness_   
_I’d color you green and you’d paint me blue_   
_But together_   
_We’re cyan_

_\- Cyan (2021)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so similarities? yes. it's funny how omitting one word can change the end of a chapter COMPLETELY. something tells me this chapter will get different reactions than chapter 29 of SotP did. ;)  
>  -kristen
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


	11. Christmas, 2031

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's all fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here it is, the final chapter. Enjoy!

Clarke’s eyes were shut as the tongue worked its way up her. Even in the early hours of the morning, she couldn’t help but smile at the way she was being woken up, and who was waking her up. The girl she’d never expected to love so much. She briefly wondered where Lexa was that Christmas morning before registering the arm that was thrown over her body.

Just as Clarke started to laugh, she heard a groan on the other side of her as a face buried into her neck. She opened her eyes and smirked at the girl on top of her. The girl who, along with one of the dogs, had been licking Clarke’s legs in an attempt to wake her up.

The girl quickly got off just as Clarke turned over, and with the help of her eldest daughter and sons, began to attack Lexa, tickling her until she finally opened her eyes. The dogs barked loudly at the commotion.

“Santa came!” five-year-old Jake exclaimed, jumping on top of Lexa, causing her to grunt from the impact.

“You didn’t sneak any peaks, did you?” Clarke asked, giving her three older children a stern look.

Jake and seven-year-old River both shook their heads, pasting serious looks on their face. The younger boy, however, seemed oblivious to the lie he was supposed to be in on. At nearly three, he wasn’t quite as good at masking lies and wore a smile on his face.

“Robbie, answer Mommy, did you guys sneak peaks at the presents from Santa?” Clarke looked directly at her youngest son, who now was starting to look sheepish.

The boy nodded.

“Robbie!” River and Jake simultaneously whined, causing Lexa to laugh.

“How about this?” Clarke spoke. “Mama and I will get up if you guys go put on your Christmas sweaters, then we can see what Santa brought you.”

The three children nodded excitedly before they ran out of the room to find their sweaters.

Clarke sat up, ready to start the day and get out of bed when an arm wrapped around her and pulled her back onto the mattress. The blonde smiled and turned over so that her chest was flush to her wife’s. She smiled at Lexa as the brunette placed her hands on either side of her face.

“Merry Christmas,” Lexa spoke, tilting her head up to capture Clarke’s lips with her own.

“Merry Christmas,” Clarke responded, pressing another kiss to her wife’s lips.

“We should go before the rascals come back and realize we still haven’t moved,” Lexa remarked, without actually making any moves to leave.

“We should,” Clarke responded before moving a hand under Lexa’s shirt, grasping her bare breast. She smirked as Lexa moaned into her mouth.

Lexa lifted her hands off Clarke’s face, placing them on either side of the blonde’s ass and squeezing. Clarke then immediately pulled away when the sound of a child interrupted them.

“Why did we have kids again?” Lexa groaned. “Let alone four?”

“Four times the fun,” Clarke laughed.

“Try four times the amount of cockblocking.”

Clarke wagged a finger at Lexa as she backed off the bed. Her feet hit the floor and she walked across the room, Lexa watching her wife’s ass the entire time. She watched as Clarke’s shirt rode up as she reached down into the bassinet and pulled out their youngest.

Lexa shifted her eyes and a smile fell on her face as she watched the way the baby smiled up at Clarke. That was why they had children. She then laughed out loud as Clarke lifted the child up and smelled her butt, her nose scrunching up in disgust.

Clarke held the six-month-old girl out at arms length as she walked back to Lexa. “Diaper duty,” Clarke stated.

Lexa frowned, but took her daughter from her wife anyway.

“I’ll go start the coffee,” Clarke offered as Lexa stood up off the bed, carrying her daughter to the changing table. The baby had her own room, but she also had an additional bassinet in Clarke and Lexa’s bedroom, one that she still slept in on occasion.

Lexa hummed as she changed her daughter’s diaper. She’d been on diaper duty ever since the baby was born. It was the least she could do after missing the birth of her youngest daughter. It hadn’t been entirely her fault. She had been filming on location in the Caribbean when Clarke had gone into labor, six weeks before her due date. Lexa had flown back as soon as she’d heard that Clarke was in labor, but wasn’t able to get to the hospital before the baby was born.

Clarke hadn’t blamed Lexa, but after she’d jokingly suggested Lexa could be on diaper duty for having missed her birth, Lexa had taken up the mantle and had decided that’s what she would do.

The baby cooed as Lexa tickled her stomach after she finished changing her diaper. She lifted her hands up into the air and Lexa high-fives them.

“Wanna play patty-cake, Addie-cake?” Lexa teased, grabbing the baby’s hands while she began to sing ‘patty-cake’.

Alexandria Woods retired from her singing career at the age of thirty-five. When questioned about it, Alexandria stated that because of her medical condition, she could only stretch her vocal cords so much, and that singing to her children every night before bed was more important to her than any album or concert. That being said, over the years she occasionally would put on a single performance at an event, such as at an awards show or at an event honoring one of her friends.

“Mom! Come on!” River yelled from downstairs. Lexa heard the sound of Clarke reprimanding their daughter and chuckled. She quickly dressed Addison in a ‘baby’s first Christmas’ onesie and carried her down the stairs.

The baby’s name wasn’t originally going to be Addison. In fact, they hadn’t even expected her to be a girl. They’d wanted the sex of the baby to be a surprise, but had assumed it would be another boy. They hadn’t even talked about girl names.

But when Lexa arrived at the hospital and held her day-old infant in her arms and began to discuss names with Clarke, she realized exactly what she wanted to name her. River had been named after the Seine, the river on which Clarke and Lexa had first professed the fact that they loved each other. Jake was named after Clarke’s father and Robbie after Lexa’s.

So while they had sat discussing names, it seemed like a logical solution. Their youngest would be named after their mothers. The women that may have been estranged from them at one point, but in the end had proven their love.

And so they had named their daughter Addison Abigail Griffin-Woods.

Kimberly hadn’t even received a birth announcement.

Lexa made her way into the living room where her three older children were waiting in front of piles of presents while her wife sat on the couch, holding two cups of coffee. She graciously thanked the woman with a kiss while their children exclaimed sounds of disgust.

Clarke took their youngest from Lexa’s arms as Lexa pulled out a phone to start taking pictures and videos of the morning.

With their moms finally sitting on the couch together, River, Jake and Robbie took that as their cue to start opening presents. Clarke and Lexa ‘ooh’d’ and ‘ahh’d’ as their children showed them present after present, all while Lexa snapped photos and videos.

After all the presents had been opened and the wrapping paper thrown away, the women sent their children to their rooms to get changed for Christmas lunch at their grandparents’ home.

At the sound of yelling about ties, Clarke and Lexa exchanged looks.

“I’ll go help the boys,” Lexa laughed.

“Okay, but first…” Clarke grabbed onto Lexa’s shirt and pulled her into a kiss, squeezing their youngest between them. “I love you.”

“Me too,” Lexa winked, bringing up the words they’d first spoken to convey their love fifteen years earlier.

While Clarke went in one direction, to help with their daughters, Lexa went in the other direction to dress their sons. It took them just over an hour to finally finish getting ready and piled into the car and despite the fact that they lived only fifteen minutes away from Robert and Addison Woods, in the suburban town of Bedford, New York, they were the last family to arrive.

Kennedy and her fiancee were the first to rag on Clarke and Lexa for being late, but not before showering the children with hugs and presents. As the youngest Woods grandchild, Addison was passed around so much, wanting to be loved by all her aunts and uncles and grandparents, that the only time Lexa and Clarke even saw her, was when she needed her diaper to be changed.

Clarke and Lexa were perfectly happy to let their family fawn over their children, giving them “adult time,” or time to interact with fellow adults. They were talking with Lexa’s youngest brother, Carson, about his plans for his post-college career, now that he was halfway through his senior year, when Lexa caught sight of her children all together.

River had been running around with her oldest cousin, Tim and Alycia’s nine-year-old while the boys had been watching their Uncle Tucker performing magic tricks, but now their children were all together. River and Jake had their legs open, feet touching to form a diamond while Addison crawled between them. Robbie sat back a few feet between them, cheering his younger sister on.

Lexa quickly caught the moment on camera and showed it to Clarke, who quickly took Lexa’s phone from her and opened up Instagram. She asked for approval before publishing the photo.

> **@AlexandriaWoods** : Merry Christmas from the Griffin-Woods little elves! #PlayingNiceForOnce

By the time they finally made it back to their house several hours later, all four children were asleep in the backseats of the car. They woke up the older two, forcing them to sleep-walk inside while Lexa carried in Robbie and Clarke carried in Addie.

Once the kids were all in pajamas and fast asleep in their beds, Clarke and Lexa found themselves curled up together on the couch in front of the Christmas tree.

“You know, this gets harder and harder to do each year,” Clarke yawned, looking at her watch and seeing that it was only just past midnight.

“We can go to bed if you want,” Lexa suggested, but both women knew that wasn’t an option.

“It’s nice though, just being here with you. I love our kids and all, but sometimes it’s nice to just snuggle on the couch with you.”

Lexa pulled the blonde closer to her in response, kissing her cheek. From her view from the couch, she could see the Christmas cards lined up on the mantle above the fireplace. The sight of them all made her smile. Her family.

Lincoln and Octavia’s card was a picture of them all at the beach from the summer, all with crazy athletic bodies on surf boards, not just the two pre-teen boys, but also the three-year-old girl who had been their happy accident after they’d given up hope of more children once Octavia had her second miscarriage.

Robert and Addison’s card was a photo of the two of them surrounded by their family on their anniversary. There were the seven Woods children, three spouses, one fiancee and nine grandchildren, including the one that had been in Clarke’s stomach at the time.

Abby’s card was of her being hugged by her holding her youngest grandchild while being hugged by the other three. Anya’s was a photo of her with her husband of three years, Gustus, Lexa’s former bodyguard.

It was the photo of the Reyes-Matheson family, however, that garnered the biggest smile from Lexa. It was completely typical of the family. Echo was giving side-eye to the two standing to her right. Raven stood with her brace fully visible, lifting her middle finger to the world while the boy between the two woman, dressed in graduation robes, was doing the same.

There was a time when Lexa had been sure her best friend’s marriage was going to fail. After Echo and Raven had adopted eleven-year-old Ryder, their lives changed entirely, but they managed to make it work. He wasn’t the easiest kid at first, but eventually came around to calling Raven and Echo his moms. Five years after his adoption, however, the stress of being young parents to a teenager got to the two women and they ended up separating. They were separated for nearly two years before they found their way back to each other.

Both women said that the time apart was necessary and that it made being back together just that much sweeter. Ryder said he was glad to go to college after they got back together, scarred by the sounds of their over-the-top make-up sex.

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke asked, pulling Lexa out of her reverie.

“Family,” Lexa responded honestly. “Our family. And how before I met you, I didn’t have a family.”

Clarke turned over in Lexa’s embrace so that their faces were only inches apart. “Before I met you, I wasn’t in the best place with my family either.”

“I love you, so much,” Lexa spoke, capturing Clarke’s lips with a long, lingering kiss that Clarke eagerly gave herself up to.

“I love you too,” the blonde responded.

They lay there in each other’s embrace for a long time, sometimes talking, sometimes just enjoying the company.

They managed to survive the night, keeping up the tradition they made of staying up until sunrise after Christmas Day. When the sun rose, light spilled through the windows, lighting up the ornament in the front and center of their Christmas tree. The ornament that was fifteen years old.

It was their ‘Our First Christmas’ ornament, the present Lexa had gotten for Clarke all those years ago.

“Hey Clarke?” Lexa asked, after a long period silence.

“Mhmm?” Clarke responded sleepily.

“Will you remind me to send Octavia a thank you card?”

“For what?” Clarke’s voice was laden with confusion.

“For stealing your charger and not showing up at that bar. For forcing you into borrowing a stranger’s phone. For that night that changed everything.”

At Lexa’s words, Clarke’s eyes filled up with tears. They were happy tears. The kind of tears that come from having the realization that life can set you on a million different paths. A dead phone and a missing friend can change your life in an instant. A misdialed number can have a ripple effect, a ripple effect that causes a tsunami. Life may throw you curve balls, cause you to lose your way and lose those you love, but it also has a path for you to live. Life gives you a path and you may have a hidden destination, but once you get there, you know. You know you’ve reached the place you’re supposed to be because it’s when you know…

You’re home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH thanks for the amazing ride you guys! So as you may notice, I'm still marking this series as in-complete, as I am planning on adding a few one-shots to it! They include missing scenes from both SotP and SDWLL as well as the missing years between the two and before this epilogue, so keep an eye out for those. 
> 
> Also keep an eye out for some social media posts based on this fic on tumblr, i've got a few in mind! (social media in this fic was one of my favorite things to write)
> 
> Again, thank you all for the support, it really means a lot to see every kudos and comment ever made on not just this fic, but all my fics. I REALLY appreciate it.
> 
> anyway, with that I bid you adieu (for now)
> 
> \- kristen  
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the set-up :)
> 
> madgirlbackhome.tumblr.com


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